Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

This a rare week for me ... two posts. Maybe I can keep this a regular thing. We will see.

Well, this week ended on a positive note ... in more ways than one.

First, on Thursday, I got a call from the doctor with my results. He said that there was nothing cancerous and that my condition was perfectly normal and nothing to be concerned about. It's hard to believe what I have is "normal", but that was a huge relief and am thankful that it was nothing serious. Like I mentioned in my previous post, when you come across something like that, it just takes the wind out of your sails. But I guess that is what makes life so interesting. In fact, it's like a box of chocolates .... but I digress. Anyway, thanks to those who were thinking about me this past week.

As far as trading goes, I hope I have started to turn the corner. I finished with a pretty good day on Friday, and ended positive on the week. In fact, at our "end of week" rally after the market close on Friday, I was mentioned as the 3rd best rookie for the week! (Rookie meaning 0 - 6 months experience). I started trading with more capital and more shares and it didn't seem to hurt me too bad. Although I did give away $100 in one trade on Thursday because I started trading with more shares. My coach has said this is a tough market to trade and if I am doing well now then I should be pretty confident moving forward. Regardless, I know I still need to work on some things, and I know I need to diversify my trading too, but I will take this last week for sure.

So, after Friday, I am probably down around $3200. But it feels so good to be chipping away at the total. I hope I can continue.

In other news, Kim noticed a crack in the windshield on our Honda Pilot yesterday. We need to get that fixed, so who knows how much that will cost. We still need to take our dog to the vet for her yearly shots ... another bill. Kim and I have 3 weddings to attend in the coming weeks. More money to spend on wedding gifts. Both Kim and I have some pretty hefty doctor's bills coming as well. Not to mention all of our other "small" bills. So, although I am making progress in my job, it still feels like I am paddling up a river against a pretty strong current in life. I know things will work out in the end, but it is still draining. It seems like I just haven't been able to get ahead recently.

I am ready for June to be over. This has been such a busy month, especially on the weekends. Weddings, volleyball tournaments, vacations ... I am ready for July and August.

That about does it for this week. Be back soon.

It was the best of times ... It was the worst of times

I know it has been a while since my last post, but I have two good reasons. First, Kim and I took a mini-vacation with some friends to the "Redneck Riviera" last weekend - Port Aransas. It was some great fun and I had a great time.

I really miss taking vacations. When I worked at the tech job, Kim and I would take about two each year .. mainly cruises. It was good to get away and relax for a week or so. However, when I knew I wanted to switch careers, we stopped going because I knew I had to save money. So, this was the first vacation we had taken in well over a year. Like I said, it was a lot of fun, and I wish it could have been for a little longer. Oh well, maybe one of these days when I start making the big bucks.

Also, last week, I had a scare, and actually, I am still waiting for results from the doctor. Without going into further detail, I will just say, I had to see a urologist on Thursday to have an ultrasound right before going on vacation. It was something I discovered on Tuesday and that has concerned me ever since. Intial prognosis by both the doctor and the woman giving the ultrasound are that it is nothing to worry about. However, I haven't heard anything back from the doctor, and am starting to get a little concerned. The nurse from the doctor's office said they will notify me by tomorrow, Wednesday. In the meantime, I have been saying my prayers and trying to live my life more freely. When something like this hits, you realize there are more important things than money and careers. Relationships and time, in general, become more treasurable. I hope I can maintain this attitude moving forward. Not to be self-centered, but please keep me in your thoughts and prayers in the coming days as I await the news.

The situation above really put a damper on things last week. I should have been on Cloud Nine. I was going on vacation and I felt as if I was beginning to turn the corner with my trading. I had the bad day on Monday that I blogged about. However, the other two days I traded, I ended up positive, and actually ended up positive for the week. (I spent the entire day at the doctor on Thursday and was in Port Aransas on Friday so I didn't get to trade). Yesterday, I was down a little, but today I had another pretty good day. I still attribute a lot of my success to the Amibroker application, but I am also starting to see things a little better. I know what I am looking for and if a stock doesn't meet my criteria, I move on. My entries are getting better and better, so now I need to work on my exits. My coach increased my default share size and trading capital, so I will see how much damage I can do now. All in all, I am happier with my progress. I still need to work hard in the evenings to refine my strategy, but I am feeling more and more confident that, if I remain disciplined, my strategy will work in the long run. Let me try it though with double the number of shares and get back to you.

So ... here is where I stand.
This month - Up $350
Total amount in the hole - $3500

As you can see, I still have a way to go to erase my debt. Tomorrow is another day ... sigh.

Ehhh .. not quite

I guess it was just luck last week. Another bad day today. I gave everything back and then some. Right back to square one. I can't figure this damn job out.

Oh well, there is always tomorrow.

A New Hope?

So .... for all the "doom and gloom" and "woe is me" postings the past couple of weeks regarding my career switch, I actually have some good news this week.

The last three days this past week were my first, second, and fourth best days ever.

I was able to completely erase the deficit I created for myself the week before (the one I was belly-aching about in my last post), and actually started cutting into my deficit from the previous months.

I am not going to say that I am starting to see the big picture and understand what is going on because I'm not. But, I was able to come up with a strategy that I was comfortable executing. I got in a few "lucky" trades as well that really made my days and sometimes that is all that it takes.

The biggest difference for me was that I was finally able to get my strategy with the Amibroker application up and running live on Wednesday. This allowed me to scan several stocks (5 to be exact) every minute, and if the conditions I wanted to see appeared, the application would alert me with a pop-up window. This popup window would contain the name of the stock and either buy or sell. I felt confident in executing these signals because I had backtested them on 1-minute charts for the past 30 days or so. I knew what my stop losses needed to be and what the chart looked like when the setup was failing. I was able to get out with relatively small losses and let my winners run ... well, maybe not the second part entirely. My winning percentage the last three days had to have been somewhere in the 65% range. My only problem was getting out of positions too early. but I was still able to lock in profits. This has started to give me a little bit of confidence which will hopefully carry over into next week. By no means, is the strategy perfect, but I am going to continue to spend time to refine it and see where it leads. All those week night evenings really seemed to have paid off. (At least momentarily).

On another positive note (non-trading related), I checked my mail yesterday and found a check from from my former employer! Without going into details, I would like to send out a major "Thank You" to my former co-worker, DK. If you read this, you went well out of your way to help me out with this situation, and I definitely owe you dinner and drinks .. big time! You are a great guy with a great heart! Also, a "Thank you" goes to my former manager. I was only an employee working for her for two months and didn't even really know her that well, but she spent the time and effort on me to make this happen even though I was no longer with the company. Once again, big "Thanks" to the two of you and helpng me out!

In other news, I have some rather large expenses lurking on the horizon which are going to further deplete the savings. First, there is Sasha's yearly shot and check-up at the vet. I am pretty sure this is going to end up running $150-$200. Then, there is the 22K mile maintenance on the Honda Pilot. That will be right at $200. Kim and I are going on a mini-vacation next week with two other couples to Port Aransas. That should be fun to actually get away. We haven't taken a vacation in well over a year, since Kim left teaching and I began saving for my career change. However, I am sure that will easily run $600 for the weekend. Then there is the June 15th estimated tax bill. Since Kim sold a house this past quarter, we have to pay that. That will run about $800. So ... easy come ... easy go .. with the money, but I am still thankful for the thoughtfulness and generosity that has been shown to me.

Oh ... one more thing. Thanks to everyone who has posted comments and keeps encouraging me. Your support is greatly appreciated. I know I have a hard time accepting encouragement and "positivity" at times, but that is something I am definitely starting to focus on and trying to change.

Well, that about does it for this week. I hope everyone has a great week and wish me luck for another productive week!

Reality Bites

The saying is so true. Today especially.

Here is reality for me:
1. After today, I am down over $1,800. This doesn't even include all the variable costs such as lunches, insurance, user and exchange fees, etc. Those come out to about $1,000/month. So, if you add it all up, I am right at $5,000 in the hole.
2. After 3 months, I should be making improvements, but honestly, I feel like I am no better trader now than what I was 3 months ago.
The last two days have taken a big hit to my morale. The last two days combined, I have lost $250. All of last month, I only lost $430. I am moving backwards, quickly. Even when I tried to mirror good traders in positions the past two days, I seem to pick the ones that are losers. Just my luck, right?
3. I have only had one day where I have been up more than $100. In 60 days of trading, I have lost more than $100/day at least 8 times during that time.
4. Other traders that were in my beginning group are doing well. One trader recently made over $1,200 in one day. I am probably ranked either 4th or last of the 5 traders who started the same time I did. There are even a couple of traders who started after I did that are kicking my ass.
5. Each month I continue to see my savings become depleted all the while my deficit grows at the trading company. A part-time job is becoming more and more inevitable.

I want to remain optimistic, but especially after today, I feel the writing is on the wall. Some people are meant to be traders, and some people aren't. I had a long talk with my coach yesterday after I did poorly, and he assured me I was "right on track" with most traders as they start out. He said I am being too hard on myself and to just relax and keep trying to find something that works. I talked with a bunch of past co-workers yesterday at happy hour and felt positive, motivated, and inspired for today's trading. All of this turned out to be for naught, as I had one of my worst trading days ever. Not only that ... I left at noon. It could have been much worse.

Here are my problems as I see them:
1. I don't have a system. After 3 months, I am still searching for a system that works for me. One that I can confidently and comfortably use day-in and day-out. I understand there is no "holy grail" and I am willing to accept my losses, but honestly, my win percentage was maybe 10% today. Actually I take that back, I do have a system. I have several. However, I am not disciplined enough to follow them during the down times, and there are always down times. I can accept maybe 2 losses in a row before I go searching for different entry criteria. Meanwhile, if I would have kept following the previous system, it would have paid off big on one or more stocks.
2. I am too emotional when I trade. This is due to a lack of a system. I don't know how much to let a stock "wiggle" from my entry point. As a result, I see the negative go into double figures, and I cut it loose. Meanwhile, 10 minutes later, the stock is up 30 or 40 cents, and I got out with a 10 cent loser. It happens at least 3 or 4 times a day. You would figure I would learn by now, but I haven't. I have tried to work on this. I tried to work on this today, and I got a lot of BIG losers that added up quickly. Didn't make me feel good at all. I need to find better entry points so I don't put myself in that situation.
3. I have zero confidence. I am so used to losing, I almost expect it now. Perhaps subconsciously I am only getting into trades that I now I will lose at. Who knows?

I am sure there are other problems, but right now, I will stick to those three. I just don't know what else to do. I have been spending a lot of time in the evenings either reviewing my trades or trying to develop a system on the Amibroker application, but that hasn't got me anywhere. As a result, my personal life has suffered. I haven't gone out as much because I have no desire, and I have completely stopped working out. I feel I have become a crappy husband and father (to our "daughter" Sasha). I have become so consumed with finding a "solution" to my problem, I have honestly forsaken the rest of the world. And it sucks! I have become so concerned with every little expense, I can't stand it. I am worried that my savings are going to run out before I find a "solution". In other words, I am a big mess.

Through all this, I have to admit that I love the job and the challenge it presents everyday. I still have not woken up dreading to go into work. From my post, you would probably think I am stressed out, but in all honesty, I feel less stress now than I did when I was at ?????. The feeling I feel now is more dissappointment in my self or depression. I continuallly let myself down on a daily basis, and that is hard to take. Before, I was frustrated because the stress was related to other people or situations. I could not change that, and to me, there was no hope. At least I feel like I can still change myself (although the last 3 months are starting to make me feel a little different about that statement). Regardless, I think that is another problem I may be having. I am so terrified to fail because I love this job so much, want to be successful at it, and don't want to go back to corporate America. Forget about the money aspect. If I could make half as much as I did at my previous job, but feel the way I feel about this line of work everyday, I would take it.

So, where does all this leave me?
Struggling and fighting to hold on. I am not going to quit. I have to keep pushing through this and find a way to be successful. Brush off the bad days and try again the next. I am at no risk of being "fired" anytime soon, so just try to make the most of my opportunity each and everyday. We'll see where I'm at this time next week.

As a consolation, it was great to see a lot of the old co-workers yesterday for happy hour. It seemed like all of you were much happier and enjoying the new job duties assigned to you. I hope things continue that way. Thanks to Robert for organizing it, and please let me know when the next one happens.