The Big Down Day

So here I am ... awake at 3:30am on the morning after one of the biggest down days in the history of the stock market. Yeah, there is something bothering me. I have been saying for the past couple of months, "If only the market would go down, I would do much better. I am such the pessimist. I could do so well shorting stocks." Well, yesterday was my chance .... and, you guessed it, I blew it! While the market was going down shortly after lunch, what was I trying to do? Buy, of course. I thought I had figured out areas of support and was really optimistic they would hold, but nothing was holding yesterday. Yesterday's actiion fell in that strange .01% category where all actions of normalcy are thrown out the window. Other people certainly capitalized on the action, but again ... not me. Wouldn't you know it ... that is just my luck.

So, something woke me up this morning, and I couldn't go back to sleep. I think that something is called ... stress! I felt stress when I was at my former job, but this is stress on a whole new level. I feel like it is taking years off my life, and that is bad. I just don't know what the future holds. Like I have written the past couple of posts, money is getting extremely tight. My wife's birthday just passed and I couldn't even afford to get her a birthday present for crying out loud. That means no Christmas or Birthday present for her from me. What kind of husband am I? I feel like I am physically falling apart. I have been battling an infection now for over 3 months and can't seem to shake it. The doctors tell me it is nothing to be alarmed about, but it certainly affects my level of comfort on a daily basis. I jammed my finger with volleyball so bad about 3 weeks ago that I haven't been able to wear my wedding ring ever since. I almost feel like it is broken, but I haven't gone to see a doctor about it. Finally, a couple of days ago, the gums around one of my teeth starting swelling and causing me pain. I think I need to go to the dentist, but I can't really afford it. Then, there are the other little expenses that keep popping up. A couple of weeks ago, the window motor went out on my car. What does it cost to get something like that fixed on a 1991 Mazda RX7 convertible? Don't ask. Since those parts are hard to come by ... let's just say way too much. Not only that, but my mechanic thinks there are some serious electrical and mechanical problems with the car that may prevent it from passing inspection in the next couple of months. And the cost to fix these problems? Around $3K. Great! Then there are the problems with our dog, Sasha. She is still having problems with one of her nails that she ripped off a while ago. About every 6 to 8 months, it grows back crooked and she rips it off again. So we have to go to the vet and have it removed. That happened last week. Oh, and I can't forget taxes coming up. I didn't make hardly anything last year, but I know somehow, someway ... we will owe something and that will suck too. Oh, and then I can't forget the mental frustration and letdown I experience on a daily basis from trading. So, if you think things are going a little rough for you these days, just reread the paragraph above and perhaps that will make you feel a little better.

But enough of the "poor me". This blog is an avenue for me to vent these frustrations and I am thankful for that. However, I am old enough to realize that I am responsible for putting myself and my family in this situation, and I am mature enough to now realize I have got to get myself out of it. Part of what woke me up this morning was a calling to make a change. I think rather than trading today, I am going to spend the day modifying my resume and job searching. Again, I don't know exactly what I want to do, but maybe I will get a little better idea after a solid day of searching. I have thought about going back into the tech industry, but I question if I would really be any happier doing that than when I left. Not only that, but I have lost a year of building tech skills and would I even get hired with the few tech skills I have? I have looked at a couple of job postings online that sound interesting, but then I look at the skill requirements and say, "OK ... next". I would love to continue working in the financial industry, but I don't really have the formal financial education/training. Also. for any type of entry-level job in that industry I would have to look at moving to New York or Chicago, and I don't want to do that. A blend of the tech and financial would be interesting, but those jobs also seem to be few and far between in Austin. I honestly wouldn't mind looking for a service-type job where I would be helping other people. I suppose "waiter" would fall in this category, but I am thinking something else, like, perhaps, teaching again. It doesn't have to be teaching kids either. Perhaps I could perform education classes for a company. I don't know. I just feel like the past year of my life has been devoted too much to myself. I have been so self-absorbed in trying to figure out this trading thing that I haven't really contributed to society at all (except for volleyball). Actually, that could partly be said for my previous job as well. What have I done recently to make someone else better? There is this driving passion in me to educate and to help others out. I would really like to be able to do this with my next job. The question is: Given my strengths and experiences, what can I do for a living and accomplish this? Ideas, anyone?

Well, I am starting to get a little tired now. Maybe I should go back to sleep a little before getting up and starting the job search. No trading for me today, though. I do need to keep trading .. if nothing else to keep the insurance. Lord knows I need it with all of my "issues".