Still treading water .... but in a current (perhaps)

It sure doesn't feel like it has been two weeks since my last post, but I guess so. Time has certainly been flying, but there really haven't been any new revelations the past couple of weeks. The car is still broken. I still have my infection. My finger still hurts and I haven't gone to the doctor. The trip to the dentist resulted in $2k worth of work that I need to have done. The dog is most certainly going to have surgery to have her nail removed. Yeah ... life keeps moving along.

The trading thing has continued to be a roller coaster. I started doing a little better only to crash again late last week. I decided I was going to take a complete break this weekend, and then, not even trade today. Instead, my wife and I went to go get coffee this morning and take the dog for a run/walk down at Town Lake. That was nice, except for the fact the dog has to go after every bird that she sees. (We still love her though). I guess I was hoping that choosing a trading career and being successful would afford me more opportunities like this morning. Unfortunately, that hasn't turned out to be the case.

So, I suppose the main question is ... where am I headed? Well, for the most part, I am still treading water with trading. I am need to maintain the insurance from trading until I complete my dental work and finish with the latest round of doctor's appointments and prescriptions. If I switch jobs now, I don't know how the insurance thing works out. Would I have to go on COBRA? How much would that be? Is it even an option? If I find another job, would I have a waiting period with obtaining coverage? Can my wife add me to her insurance immediately or will there be a wait? There are too many questions to ask. It would just be easier for me to wait another 2 weeks until all these events are complete, and then start getting serious about switching jobs. However, I have been serious about looking for another job. Early last week, a potential opportunity was presented to me, and I am SERIOUSLY considering it .... almost to the point of certainty. The only thing making me reconsider is another opportunity that was brought to my attention late last week by someone at the trading firm. It is with a "hedge fund" type company here in Austin doing quantitative work. Honestly, the latter job would be a dream job for me, except I have to ask the question ... "What am I doing to help someone else?" Anyway, I am hoping to have a little bit better idea of where I am headed by my next post. Please keep your fingers crossed for me that this is sooner rather than later.

All in all, though, I am really starting to see this as truly being the beginning of the end. I am not really motivated anymore to try to make this trading thing work. I still love trading and think I always will, but I am a little bit tired of the fight right now. I am trying to be successful and trade in a way that is just not natural for me. Everyday I am trying to put bandaids over my weaknesses rather than building on my strengths, and quite frankly, I have reached that fatal point of frustration. However, though, I have to admit I am very proud of the risk I took to make a change in the first place. In all honesty, I would have been pretty much stuck with my new job at my former employer for the last year anyway. When I approached my new manager about a job change right before I left, she was hesitant. Partly because the group I was transferred into was new, and she was still looking for more people. I was told that I would have to wait at least 9 months before being able to look for something else within the company. All this made me feel as if I was trapped, so I felt I had to change. So, right now, I feel as if I am in pretty much the same position I would have been in had I remained with my former employer. Only with a new set of non-technology skills, and a lot less money :-).

I hate losing, and I don't like to admit defeat, but I have been fighting this "gorilla" for way too long. Hopefully, the fact that I was willing to take the risk in the first place is a bonus when I go to interview for my next job. I stepped out of my comfort zone, pursued something I was passionate about, and worked my butt off to be successful. Unfortunately, sometimes, hard work isn't always the determining factor between success and failure. In some cases it can come down to environment, support, training, and even natural ability. This type of trading just wasn't my calling.