(sidebar rant ... midlife crisis?)

I think I am getting some good training for my new job in how to deal with losses. Last night, as I was trying to optimize the hard drive on my Mac, an error occured which destroyed all of the drive's volume information. I spent most of last night with intermittent sleep trying to find a solution for this problem. I was able to determine that all of the files are still there, but the volume itself is no longer bootable and cannot be fixed. So, here are the steps I have taken so far to try to salvage the information.

1) I had to go out and purchase a $180 external drive this morning in order to copy all the information from the old volume/drive. Sure the 250GB drive is overkill, but I might as well make sure everything can fit.
2) I am in the process of running the data recovery software for the 4th time. This wouldn't be bad, but it takes nearly 4 hours to scavenge the drive each time. The first time I accidently closed the file window once it finished - that was stupid, but I found out once you close it, the file information isn't persistent. The second time I did it, I made sure I had my old external drive hooked up. I was actually able to salvage some files. However, after transferring half of my MP3s to the drive, the data transfer became very slow. I didn't know whether to attribute that to the external drive nearly being full, or a memory issue since I was booting from disk. That is why I figured I would buy the new drive and see if I could eliminate one of the problems. So, before I bought the drive, I started a 3rd pass. It finished up right before 1pm, and I had the new external drive hooked up ready to go. Only problem was that the drive was formatted as FAT32, so it wasn't showing up with the data recovery software. The 4th pass I think should be a good one. I created a separate partition on the original drive and installed Mac OS X Tiger on it along with the data recovery software. Now, I have eliminated the memory issue (which I read about on a message board or two) and the drive problem. Come 5:30pm or so, I should find out exactly whether I will be successful or not in the salvage. At the very least, if I can't get everything, I will get the most important stuff and be happy with that.

You are probably wondering if I was smart enough to have a backup. My last backup was from August 2005. I could probably live with that, but I am going to try and get as much as I can from the salvage since I am having to work from home anyway these last couple of days (more on that in another post).

I have definitely gone through the six stages of grieving within the last 24 hours. I don't know whether I have truly come to terms with what the outcome may be, but I will get there - one way or another.

This personal data loss has really effected my outlook on my last few days on the job as well. It is such a nice day outside, so I decided to make a sandwhich, sit on the porch with my dog, and have lunch. I spent time reflecting on the last five years of my life and the job I am 3 days away from leaving. I have such a terribly empty feeling inside - it is awful. After college, I had a degree to show for all the hard work, and I felt really good about the volleyball coaching skills I had acquired. After my years of teaching, I left and even though I didn't care for the whole school bureaucracy, I still felt good that I had helped kids in their lives. The pay wasn't good, but at least I was doing something good for society. I am getting ready to leave the technology company and I have nothing but material possessions to show for it, and truthfully, that doesn't make me happy at all.

Furthermore, I have been sitting in front of my work laptop all day and I have received 2 instant messages from co-workers: one asking me if I wanted to go to lunch, the other asking me for some help on a patent the two of us submitted nearly 2 years ago. I have received a total of 5 work emails, but they were all mass distributions - nothing directed specifically toward me. Reality is finally setting in. People have written me off. I'm a short-timer. All the stress of deadlines and management was never really worth it. The wheels grind on without me. Not only that ... they grind on smoothly. I was but a cog in the big machine and in all truthfullness, the success or ilure of the work I did, means absolutely nothing to the rest of mankind. Unfortunately, the job I am switching too is even more meaningless to society, so what will I think about that? Is this a mid-life crisis? Am I too young for one of those? Well maybe not .. my dad passed away when he was 62 and I am in my early 30s ... yeah ... maybe this is a midlife crisis.

Regardless, I have made my decision and I am happy with it. I will get my Mac fixed one way or another and I am going to enjoy the rest of the week and my new job ... come hell or high water.