The Duck's Pond - Life of David

Still treading water .... but in a current (perhaps)

2007-03-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

It sure doesn't feel like it has been two weeks since my last post, but I guess so. Time has certainly been flying, but there really haven't been any new revelations the past couple of weeks. The car is still broken. I still have my infection. My finger still hurts and I haven't gone to the doctor. The trip to the dentist resulted in $2k worth of work that I need to have done. The dog is most certainly going to have surgery to have her nail removed. Yeah ... life keeps moving along.

The trading thing has continued to be a roller coaster. I started doing a little better only to crash again late last week. I decided I was going to take a complete break this weekend, and then, not even trade today. Instead, my wife and I went to go get coffee this morning and take the dog for a run/walk down at Town Lake. That was nice, except for the fact the dog has to go after every bird that she sees. (We still love her though). I guess I was hoping that choosing a trading career and being successful would afford me more opportunities like this morning. Unfortunately, that hasn't turned out to be the case.

So, I suppose the main question is ... where am I headed? Well, for the most part, I am still treading water with trading. I am need to maintain the insurance from trading until I complete my dental work and finish with the latest round of doctor's appointments and prescriptions. If I switch jobs now, I don't know how the insurance thing works out. Would I have to go on COBRA? How much would that be? Is it even an option? If I find another job, would I have a waiting period with obtaining coverage? Can my wife add me to her insurance immediately or will there be a wait? There are too many questions to ask. It would just be easier for me to wait another 2 weeks until all these events are complete, and then start getting serious about switching jobs. However, I have been serious about looking for another job. Early last week, a potential opportunity was presented to me, and I am SERIOUSLY considering it .... almost to the point of certainty. The only thing making me reconsider is another opportunity that was brought to my attention late last week by someone at the trading firm. It is with a "hedge fund" type company here in Austin doing quantitative work. Honestly, the latter job would be a dream job for me, except I have to ask the question ... "What am I doing to help someone else?" Anyway, I am hoping to have a little bit better idea of where I am headed by my next post. Please keep your fingers crossed for me that this is sooner rather than later.

All in all, though, I am really starting to see this as truly being the beginning of the end. I am not really motivated anymore to try to make this trading thing work. I still love trading and think I always will, but I am a little bit tired of the fight right now. I am trying to be successful and trade in a way that is just not natural for me. Everyday I am trying to put bandaids over my weaknesses rather than building on my strengths, and quite frankly, I have reached that fatal point of frustration. However, though, I have to admit I am very proud of the risk I took to make a change in the first place. In all honesty, I would have been pretty much stuck with my new job at my former employer for the last year anyway. When I approached my new manager about a job change right before I left, she was hesitant. Partly because the group I was transferred into was new, and she was still looking for more people. I was told that I would have to wait at least 9 months before being able to look for something else within the company. All this made me feel as if I was trapped, so I felt I had to change. So, right now, I feel as if I am in pretty much the same position I would have been in had I remained with my former employer. Only with a new set of non-technology skills, and a lot less money :-).

I hate losing, and I don't like to admit defeat, but I have been fighting this "gorilla" for way too long. Hopefully, the fact that I was willing to take the risk in the first place is a bonus when I go to interview for my next job. I stepped out of my comfort zone, pursued something I was passionate about, and worked my butt off to be successful. Unfortunately, sometimes, hard work isn't always the determining factor between success and failure. In some cases it can come down to environment, support, training, and even natural ability. This type of trading just wasn't my calling.

The Big Down Day

2007-02-28T01:45:00.000-08:00

So here I am ... awake at 3:30am on the morning after one of the biggest down days in the history of the stock market. Yeah, there is something bothering me. I have been saying for the past couple of months, "If only the market would go down, I would do much better. I am such the pessimist. I could do so well shorting stocks." Well, yesterday was my chance .... and, you guessed it, I blew it! While the market was going down shortly after lunch, what was I trying to do? Buy, of course. I thought I had figured out areas of support and was really optimistic they would hold, but nothing was holding yesterday. Yesterday's actiion fell in that strange .01% category where all actions of normalcy are thrown out the window. Other people certainly capitalized on the action, but again ... not me. Wouldn't you know it ... that is just my luck.

So, something woke me up this morning, and I couldn't go back to sleep. I think that something is called ... stress! I felt stress when I was at my former job, but this is stress on a whole new level. I feel like it is taking years off my life, and that is bad. I just don't know what the future holds. Like I have written the past couple of posts, money is getting extremely tight. My wife's birthday just passed and I couldn't even afford to get her a birthday present for crying out loud. That means no Christmas or Birthday present for her from me. What kind of husband am I? I feel like I am physically falling apart. I have been battling an infection now for over 3 months and can't seem to shake it. The doctors tell me it is nothing to be alarmed about, but it certainly affects my level of comfort on a daily basis. I jammed my finger with volleyball so bad about 3 weeks ago that I haven't been able to wear my wedding ring ever since. I almost feel like it is broken, but I haven't gone to see a doctor about it. Finally, a couple of days ago, the gums around one of my teeth starting swelling and causing me pain. I think I need to go to the dentist, but I can't really afford it. Then, there are the other little expenses that keep popping up. A couple of weeks ago, the window motor went out on my car. What does it cost to get something like that fixed on a 1991 Mazda RX7 convertible? Don't ask. Since those parts are hard to come by ... let's just say way too much. Not only that, but my mechanic thinks there are some serious electrical and mechanical problems with the car that may prevent it from passing inspection in the next couple of months. And the cost to fix these problems? Around $3K. Great! Then there are the problems with our dog, Sasha. She is still having problems with one of her nails that she ripped off a while ago. About every 6 to 8 months, it grows back crooked and she rips it off again. So we have to go to the vet and have it removed. That happened last week. Oh, and I can't forget taxes coming up. I didn't make hardly anything last year, but I know somehow, someway ... we will owe something and that will suck too. Oh, and then I can't forget the mental frustration and letdown I experience on a daily basis from trading. So, if you think things are going a little rough for you these days, just reread the paragraph above and perhaps that will make you feel a little better.

But enough of the "poor me". This blog is an avenue for me to vent these frustrations and I am thankful for that. However, I am old enough to realize that I am responsible for putting myself and my family in this situation, and I am mature enough to now realize I have got to get myself out of it. Part of what woke me up this morning was a calling to make a change. I think rather than trading today, I am going to spend the day modifying my resume and job searching. Again, I don't know exactly what I want to do, but maybe I will get a little better idea after a solid day of searching. I have thought about going back into the tech industry, but I question if I would really be any happier doing that than when I left. Not only that, but I have lost a year of building tech skills and would I even get hired with the few tech skills I have? I have looked at a couple of job postings online that sound interesting, but then I look at the skill requirements and say, "OK ... next". I would love to continue working in the financial industry, but I don't really have the formal financial education/training. Also. for any type of entry-level job in that industry I would have to look at moving to New York or Chicago, and I don't want to do that. A blend of the tech and financial would be interesting, but those jobs also seem to be few and far between in Austin. I honestly wouldn't mind looking for a service-type job where I would be helping other people. I suppose "waiter" would fall in this category, but I am thinking something else, like, perhaps, teaching again. It doesn't have to be teaching kids either. Perhaps I could perform education classes for a company. I don't know. I just feel like the past year of my life has been devoted too much to myself. I have been so self-absorbed in trying to figure out this trading thing that I haven't really contributed to society at all (except for volleyball). Actually, that could partly be said for my previous job as well. What have I done recently to make someone else better? There is this driving passion in me to educate and to help others out. I would really like to be able to do this with my next job. The question is: Given my strengths and experiences, what can I do for a living and accomplish this? Ideas, anyone?

Well, I am starting to get a little tired now. Maybe I should go back to sleep a little before getting up and starting the job search. No trading for me today, though. I do need to keep trading .. if nothing else to keep the insurance. Lord knows I need it with all of my "issues".

Like Trying To Untie a Big Frickin' Knot

2007-02-06T16:17:00.000-08:00

By now, I am sure most of you are wondering, "What the hell happened? This guy hasn't posted in ages." I know ... I know. It's not so much that I have been that busy either. However, I am in the middle of volleyball season, and it seems like I am having to design practices nearly every other day. I think the real reason I haven't been blogging is because I have nothing different to say. It is pretty much the same song and dance I have been doing for the last 5 months: Break even days, break even months, and still no paycheck. Pretty depressing actually.

Here is a quick recap of the month of January:
Started out the month strong.
Gave a lot of what I made back the last week of the month.
For the 4th month in a row, I will not be receiving a paycheck, and really, I am no closer to having a system now than I was two months ago. It is definitely not for lack of effort. I am still coming home in the evenings and going over the simulators that run everyday, but I can't seem to find an edge. I have put all the data into Microsoft Access and built queries and reports to try to find something but .... nothing. Hence, the title for this blog entry. Have you ever had a knot that was so tight, you just couldn't get it out? You stare at it, and it looks really bad, and you don't even know where to start. Then you finally do start, and the knot is so tight you can't even budge it. Then, you get paperclips or other strong, thin items to try to loosen it, and you can't make progress. Frustrated, you leave the knot, only to come back to it at a later time, but unfortunately, encounter the same result. Eventually, you give up on the knot and realize you will have to replace the item. Well, that is about where I am at with my trading career.

I know several posts ago I wrote about my inevitable realization of not making it in trading. That was a couple of months ago. I still question what the heck I am doing going into work everyday trying to trade. I should be looking for another job and getting on with my life. But, it is just so hard for me to call it quits. I am stubborn and will keep fighting to the very end even if defeat is inevitable. Perhaps that is the competitor in me. There is still some part of me that thinks I can do this, and I want to keep trying but at some point I have got to look at the big picture. I am in my 11th month of trading. During that time I have made just under $6K. That is it! I made more in one month working at my former employer than I have for the past 11 months in this new career! I have burned through nearly all of my savings ( I just have a little over $5K left). My wife and I have sacrificed many things this past year, and quite frankly, I am tired of making the sacrifice, but something keeps me there. Maybe its the story of the 50-year-old former lawyer that gives me hope. This man had been with the company trading for 20 months. During that time he had 1 paycheck. He had $150K in savings that he burned through and was down to his last $10K. Last month, the man had his best month ever and took home a paycheck of over $20K. Something clicked for him and he was there to take advantage of it. Is my "click" just around the corner? The only way I know is if I stay and find out.

Don't get me wrong, I have been on the lookout for another job. It is just that I have no idea what I want to do. Heck, I was contemplating another job/career at my former employer ever since the settop box project I was working on got canned. That was 3 years! I remember waking up at 5:30am to go work out, and each morning I would think, "What else could I do for a living?" Finally, there was something I was so passionate about that I was willing to make the switch and take the risk, and what do you .... I am not very good at it. It is going to take me a little while to figure out what I could do next. Regardless of my performance, I still love trading. I love the challenge everyday and it keeps me thinking constantly. But, it doesn't pay the bills. When do I cry "uncle"?

So this has been my story for the past month, actually the past 4 months. I am getting a small paycheck from volleyball coaching and that is helping, but other than that, the well is beginning to run dry. Please wish me luck in the coming weeks and months. I need all the help I can get!

Better Luck in 2007?

2006-12-30T07:05:00.000-08:00

Man ... it's been a long time since I've blogged. I suppose as a reader you could view that one of two ways:
1. No news is good news, or
2. If you don't have anything good to say, don't say it at all

As much as I wish I could say it was #1, I am pretty sure you could guess it is #2. Quite frankly, I am tired of chronicling my failures on a regular basis. The past 3 weeks of work have been nothing but disappointment. Add the holidays into the mix and another minor health scare, and the holidays have been emotionally draining. As optimistic as I was at the beginning of this year, I have to say that I am at the complete opposite end of the spectrum now that the year has come to an end.

I wrote several posts ago that I had pretty much realized that I wasn't going to make it in the trading game. I said I was starting to look for other jobs. However, being the stubborn German I am, I haven't given up that easily. I have kept "fighting" and trying to find something that will make me successful. However, my biggest enemy is myself and it's a battle I continuously lose. For 9 months now, I basically know what my problem has been, but I have not been able to change. I get into a trade where I know I need to change the way I normally think, but my "panic" instincts take over, I exit the trade too early and leave hundreds of dollars on the table. Day in and day out with pretty much no exceptions. Everyday I spend going over my botched trades swearing that tomorrow will be different. But the next day is just like the last. There are instincts as a trader that you need to have and no matter how hard I have worked to develop those instincts, I just don't seem to be able to. I have really started to believe a lot of the trading articles I have read concerning the innate ability to trade. Just like someone has the innate ability to play a professional sport or understand what it takes to be a software programmer, there is also that innate trader ability. I know what it is, I just can't seem to get it. You wanna know what it is? OK, here it is.

The innate trader ability is to remain convicted in your beliefs and follow your system, even ... no, especially, in the face of apparent failure. Having grown up playing and coaching sports for many years, I have really learned to hate losing, but it is something that you have to deal with. As a coach, I have coached different caliber of teams. I have coached ones that are athletically gifted and driven and believe they will always find a way to win. I have coached some that are athletic and successful, but when their backs are against the wall, it is easier to accept failure rather than put their heart out on the line and believe they can win. I have also coached teams that aren't athletic, that play for the fun of it, andd believe they never have a chance at winning anything. They give up easily and expect failure.

I believe my trading falls somewhere between the second and third teams I mentioned above. I don't think I have the best mind for trading, but I think I do see patterns and tendencies in charts that other people don't. In fact, I helped a very successful and experienced trader make about $3k on Thursday when I pointed out a chart pattern that was forming. He agreed, got into the position, and made money. I sat on my hands and afterwards berated myself for not believing in my abilities. So, problem number 1: I see opportunities, but fail to act. Why do I fail to act? Probably because I don't want to lose or fail. But, dealing with losing is part of this game. Which leads to problem number 2, and the biggest reason I haven't been successful. As soon I get into a position, I look for a reason to get out. At the first sign of failure, I typically give up and don't stay in the position and fight -- I am like the second team I mentioned. In volleyball, a game is played to 25. The way I trade is equivalent to a team in volleyball being down 5 to 0 and saying, "You know what, we can't come back. Let's just quit." So the team walks off the court. However, everyone knows there is a lot more game to be played and anything can happen until the score reaches 25. Similarly, when I am actually profitable in a trade, it's like I am up 5 to 0 and say, "OK, I've won", and I walk off the court. So why do I "walk off the court" in my trades? That is pretty simple. I monitor the "Level 2" window way too much. The "Level 2" windows show all the market participants and their interest in a particular stock. This window is like the fans at a sporting event. Basically, I let the fans dictate whether I stay in or leave the game. How stupid is that? I should only let the score (or actual trades being made) determine whether I remain in the game or not.

This all sounds pretty simple, but putting it into practice has been very difficult for me. It is so easy in trading to get caught up in things that have nothing to do with the system you are trading. The good traders maintain focus and in the face of "unruly fans" stay convicted and believe in what they are doing. Here is hoping that the light bulb will come on for me in the next few weeks.

So, how much longer am I giving myself? Well, the savings are running out quickly. As I see it, I have about 2 to 3 more months before I am really pushed into dire straights. I am receiving some income from coaching volleyball and that will help, but it will definitely not be enough. I have said this before, but what would really keep me in the game is finding some type of part-time job. I just don't know what I would want to do. Then, there is the inevitable fact that I may need to find a real job in 2 to 3 months. I have NO idea what I want to do. Trust me ... I have thought about this a lot, and have no idea. Maybe I need to spend more time thinking about this than I do. But the second I do that, I will most certainly seal my fate.

So, 2006 .... not necessarily a "dream year" for me. There have been a lot of difficulties, but I have enjoyed the job and all the challenges it presents. I am just disappointed I am not more successful in it than what I am.

I hope everyone had a great Holiday Season. Have a Happy New Year and I will be back in 2007. New Year ... New Luck ... let's hope.

Wouldn't you know ....

2006-12-04T17:13:00.001-08:00

First off, I want to thank everyone who wrote comments on my last post. Thanks for taking the time to write something and for all the encouraging words. They are much appreciated. I have realized that there isn't quite something right with me and have made arrangements to get some help. I owe it to everyone, including myself, to do so. Who knows ... maybe a few drugs won't be so bad after all.

After this past week, I have realized a couple of things outside the obvious that have led me to where I am. First, about two months ago, I switched where I was sitting because my coach had a new student coming in. I moved to the other half of the office floor - the half my coach refers to as the "Library". Most of the traders on the side I moved to were hyper-scalpers. They have to focus intensely for short periods of time, but always have to be ready for the opportunities when they arise. The side I came from mainly has position traders (which I am). The traders need to focus but it is a much more relaxed atmosphere. The traders put on a position, put in their stops and let their systems work for them. As a result, the mood is a lot more light-hearted on this side. In fact, my coach likens it to a "good bar" - you just want to keep coming back. Well, late last week, I realized I had to change something because my performance since the switch to the "library" had been crappy. Last Tuesday, I moved back to the "good bar." And whaddya know ... three out of the last 5 days since have been my highest days in the last 3 months. I trade much more relaxed at "the bar." So, I guess you can say I returned home, and it has helped me.

Hindsight being 20/20, I suppose I am a little upset with myself for trading at the "library" for as long as I did. I realized early on that I wasn't having as much fun but I continued to stay there. In fact, I can't remember laughing once. I sat next to a guy who was a great trader, but he was so stoic that I can probably count on one hand how many times I saw him even smile. The guy was just out of college and making $3K/day on average, and it didn't look like he was having fun at all. I think I also resented the fact that he was constantly asking questions about my system and why I was trading what I was trading. Yet, whenever I asked him for "help", he was always brief and seemed disinterested in helping me. Although I tried to block it out, subconsciously, I believe it took its toll on me.

So, I am back at the "bar" - happier and performing better. The one main thing the "bar" has going for it is one trader ("patron"), in particular, who may be one of the funniest people I have ever met. The guy continuously spouts off one-liners all day that keep a smile on people's faces and the mood light. I guess humor runs in his family because his sister is actually a touring professional comedian. Anyway, I am glad I decided to switch back. I feel a lot better, and if I am not making enough money to survive, well ... at least I am getting a good laugh everyday.

So, does this mean the dream is still alive? Not quite. I have been looking for other jobs, but nothing has hit me yet. I don't think I want to go back into the software industry unless it could be with financial or trading software. I have thought about possibly going back into teaching, but having to deal with kids all day doesn't necessarily appeal to me at this point in my life. I wouldn't mind being some type of trading instructor. After all, those who can't "do", teach ... right? The only problem is I think those kind of jobs are few and far between. I have proven over several months that I can spot good trades and call them out to others who take advantage of them. I just don't want to take the risk myself. Maybe I can be entrepreneurial and setup my own daytrading chat room service or something like that. Or maybe I can do the same thing with options. Regardless, I really like the financial industry and all the challenges that it presents. I would like to continue in this field with my next job. I just don't know what I could do though.

Speaking of the industry and the market, up until this point, I have really refrained from sharing my view with where the market is headed in the immediate future. However, I think there are so many things brewing right now that spell disaster that I want to share them with those of you who may not follow these things as closely. In fact, I think sometime after the first of the year, between January and March, we could be in for some tough times downward. So, take this for what it is worth. I am not recommending anything, so decide for yourself what an appropriate action should be.

There were four events that took place last week which, after today, the market has basically shrugged off. The first event was the collapse of the dollar. This means several things. First, the US market may be up 14% this year, but to foreigners, particularly those using Euros, the market is only up a measly 5%. Those foreigners might be inclined to pull their money out of the US markets if they feel they can get a better return somewhere else. Then, you have the problem with US treasuries and bond rates. If the dollar is collapsing and foreign governments aren't getting a good return rate with US bonds, something may have to give. Basically, the dollar right now is in really bad shape and that does not bode well for the US economy.

Secondly, last week, the Institute for Supply Management (ISM) warned that the U.S. factory sector contracted in November for the first time in more than three years. This means the US economy could be softening so much that the Federal Reserve might have to cut interest rates to stimulate demand. The Fed may cut and they may not. If the Fed lowers rates again, the dollar will most likely weaken even further, and inflation will likely explode.

Third, a drop in construction spending was announced. This was the seventh month in a row and the longest on record. The housing sector was a big reason for the bull market over the past couple of years, and with a drop in spending this means fewer construction jobs, which leads to the next item.

Fourth, the number of U.S. workers applying for jobless benefits saw its biggest increase in more than a year last week, according to Labor Department. Bad news.

So, with all this staring investors in the face, why on earth did the market rise strongly today? Simple, it is the end of the year, and there are bonuses at stake for a lot of people in the financial industry (not me of course). For this reason, I really don't think the market is going to fall between now and the end of the year. But come January. look out.

I read an article last night which was written probably sometime in early October which talked about a possible recession happening the beginning of next year. Here is the link. Now, two months later and given the events listed above, things are really starting to take shape. Once again, I am not telling anyone to do anything, but if things start going south, you can say you read it here first. If not, well, I guess it will just prove to all of you and myself, that I have no idea what I am talking about and I have no business working in this industry (even if I like it so much).

The Dream Is Over

2006-11-21T15:09:00.000-08:00

Yep ... you read it correctly. I have thrown in the towel on trading. I haven't officially quit, but the "What next?" search has begun.

First off, I have tried to post to my blog a couple of times within the last week or so, but the message gets lost and never gets posted. Of course, I have spent some time writing it and I don't feel like spending more time to rewrite, so I move on ... waiting for another day.

The last couple of trading days have been really difficult for me psychologically. Friday was probably my worst trading day ever, but not because I lost a lot of money. On a record day for the company, I ended up the day negative, one of only four traders in the entire firm to do so, and the only trader with more than 6 months experience. The IPO of the New York Mercantile Exchange (NMX) was a lay up trade that day. and I didn't participate. There were literally two dozen traders that made over $10K that day alone, and several traders that made over $50K. Why didn't I particpate? Because it was too risky ... too volatile. It sure was, but at some point I have to poke my head out of my shell and try to make something happen. I am still way too conservative and don't want to assume the risk. So, what the hell, then, am I doing in a profession that is full of risk all day, everyday? Good question. I'm a fish out of water ... that's for sure.

Because it was a record day, the company sponsored a happy hour after work. I wasn't even going to attend, but after talking to my wife, she urged me to go. Everyone was so happy and having a good time, but I was, well .... depressed. I have been trying to trade this new strategy and it just hasn't been going very well. I have made a couple of good trades with it, but the majority of the trades I make I think I see a good setup, but it ends up going in my face and I get stopped out. Shortly after I get stopped out, then, the stock proceeds to go in the direction of my original position. So, my stop is too tight, right? Well, the times I always loosen my stop seem to be the times the movement continues against me, so I incur a larger loss. It's like I am always wrong ... always ... with the worst luck you can possibly imagine.

Yesterday's trading was OK, but I think I was only up like $40 or something ... not even enough to cover my daily costs. Today started off good, but I self-destructed midday. I don't think I had a winning trade after 1oAM. I went from being up $100 to being down $150 in a couple blinks of the eyes and I left shortly after noon. The trades were more of the same as I described above. I keep thinking, "When is this going to change?", and it never does. Anyway, I wasn't having fun, so I left.

I am worn out. I have worked so hard to understand different trading ideas and techniques. I spend hours each night and on the weekends trying to get better. I build and modify my tickers to make them quieter in order to get better hits. I review charts constantly. I replay the bar chart action of certain stocks in the evenings to get used to how they look in real-time when a setup is forming. I honestly think I have done everything possible for me to succeed, and it hasn't happened.

I know there are several of you who will read this and say, "Here he goes ... whining again." But, for me, this post is different. I am depressed. I am failing miserably, and there is little hope, if any, left in my spirits. I know I put myself in this position, and I am responsible for my actions, but what was I going to do? Stay at my other job - disappointed, depressed, and hopeless. Well, at least I had a paycheck there. Now, I am feeling the same way with this job sans paycheck. This is great! What me makes think that I will feel differently about any other job I would do next? Is this the way my work life is going to be for the next couple of decades? If so, I don't think I can take it. Anyway, I am a failure ... who would want me to work for them anyway?

As much as a I want to end this post on a lighter note, I can't do it. My feelings are serious, and my outlook is serious. I don't know what I am going to do. I know there are people who love me and care for me, but I am having difficulty feeling those things for myself right now.

Coming up on the "Ocho"

2006-11-05T06:17:00.000-08:00

First off, I want to thank everyone for attending the happy hour on Thursday. It was great to see all of you. RB ... thanks for organizing it and for the "hospitality". D-Kui .. I didn't get to talk to you, but I hope things are going well. I am sure we will talk soon. Hui ... sorry you couldn't make it. I was looking forward to hearing about your new changes. All in all, it seemed like everyone was enjoying work more than the "bad manager" times, so that is good. There still seemed to be that same ol' Corporate America B.S. going on, but at least now, everyone seemed to be able to tolertate it a little more. I hope things are able to continue.

So, for me, I am coming up on my 8th month anniversary of trading on November 6th. I have been down and then up and then back down again. It has definitely been a wild journey and I am sure it is only beginning. Again, there is so much psychology involved with this job, it is unbelievable. I am sure my biggest opponent is myself, and I am still tyring to compete with him. Regardless, I have learned a lot about myself, I still love the work, and I love the fact that I took this risk Times are tough, but better times are on the horizon.

My performance was mixed this week. I had a great day on Monday, but then stunk it up on Tuesday and Friday. The good news is I finally seem to have found a system I am comfortable trading. Recently, I have been reading some trading blog sites and have come across several which discuss "dummy" strategies that really make sense. A few of these sites are:

TraderMike
TraderX
DummyCharts
UglyCharts
Move The Markets

Unfortunately, trading these strategies can be difficult. Most of the traders writing these blogs pick about 10-15 stocks with the best potential for setups each day and monitor them like hawks, hoping that the strategies appear. With 7000 stock available to trade, this can equate to looking at the market through a straw, and can be frustrating when none of the setups appear.

If you remember from my last post, the IT staff has now granted me full access to program my own stock tickers, so I am now in the process of programming several of the strategies from the sites and creating my own tickers. The good news is I have already got some great hits and made some great trades from my tickers. The bad news is every 15 minutes I get blasted with 30-40 stocks that fit the entry criteria. This is way too many stocks and I can't possibly search through them all in time to make the trade. This basically equates to trying to drink from a firehose with pursed lips, and is really more frustrating than the scenario mentioned in the last paragraph. I can't tell you how many times the past couple of days I have seen a stock that makes a big move and that had a setup exactly what I was looking for. So, I go back and look at the ticker log, and sure enough, it came across but I missed it. This weekend I am spending some serious time trying to make my tickers less noisy and giving myself a better chance for success. Hopefully, I will find something that helps. If not, I will just have to keep looking.

I feel like I am right there ... almost ready to make it. But there is still a lot of work that has to be done. For the first time in 8 months, though, I feel like I have a strategy I can work with. There are thousands of people who trade the same strategy and have been doing it for years, so I don't think it is going to go away any time soon. And with the technology available to me to help find these opportunities, I feel like I will have an advantage once I get the noise turned down. So, once again, it is up to me to make things happen. And once again, I am not going to say I didn't make it because of lack of effort.

On a philosophical note, I want to share something that was presented to me this past week that really hit home. I actually heard it during a message at Gateway Church (a non-denominational Christian Church). I am not a member there, but my wife and I have been attending there recently because the messages seem like they have been delivered just for me and the situations I have been confronted with recently. Anyway, during the message, a quote by G.K. Chesteron was shared. Chesterton was a relatively modern theologian. I was not able to find the exact quote, but in summary, he wrote about the poet and the chess player and how they accept God, Christ, and the heavens. He said the poet is free-flowing and able to accept things more easily for what they are while the chess player is the calculated logician who must know exactly what the rules are and the possible outcomes for his/her actions. As a result, it is much harder for the chess player to come to accept Christ in his/her life.

After the quote was read, my wife nudged me and smiled. I am way too much the chess player when it comes to living life in general. I am over-analytical and look back way too much. I need to learn to become more free-flowing, like the poet, knowing that all that I need will be given to me. I really tried to think about that a lot this week as I traded, but one week is not going to be enough. I need to remember to let things happen and let unforeseen issues roll more easily down and off my back. The chess player definitely has his/her strengths and those strengths really thrive in a technological environment. But I have changed careers to one where, I believe, a poet thrives more. I need to learn to live life and work more like the poet if I am going to be successful with trading.

I hope everyone has a great week!

Debugging

2006-10-24T17:38:00.000-07:00

It has been pretty much business as usual for me since I last posted. Last week was not great at all, although I was able to trade Silver successfully and end up positive on the week. That's one small victory I will take, but I am still overall negative on the month.

The first two days of this week have also been negative for me, so it looks like I could end up the month negative -- the first time in several months. Of course, this means no paycheck and some potentially pretty hard times for the next few weeks. I also can't help but look ahead to the upcoming holiday season and realize that it is going to be much different for me and my wife this year. This really makes me sad, but I realize I put us in this situation chasing my dreams. I have to feel blessed to have someone like my wife who is still supportive of what I am doing. In fact, she is probably more supportive of me right now than I am of myself. She still believes I can do this. Unfortunately, I am still having serious doubts.

I guess it doesn't help my situation either that small emergencies have been popping up recently which have cost us some serious cash. Our refrigerator went out the other day. Not only did it cost $300 to fix it, but we lost all of our food in the freezer and most in the refrigerator. That was probably another $200 - $300 to replace. We had to take Kim's car in for maintenance. That was almost $600. The electrical system in my car is starting to go haywire. I don't have windshield wipers and the seat belt sign constantly beeps when the car is started. The estimate to get that repaired is almost $1000. Not to mention, I still haven't replaced my side mirror which I broke a couple of months ago. It is starting to fall off and is going to have to be fixed soon. The estimate for that was about $350. Well, at least I have my health right? Maybe so, but I need to go the doctor and get some things checked out. I just haven't felt the same the last couple of weeks.

I know ... here I go again ... "Dave the Downer" (wah, wah, waaaaah). With each day that goes by, I truly envy those people who are optimistic. It is a mindset that I wish I could just experience for one day. I wake up each morning and go into work, and really think "OK, today is going to be different". But it never takes very long for reality to set in. Today, I lost 7 trades in row from the very beginning, and psychologically I was out of it. I was afraid to trade for the rest of the day because I literally think that everything I do is going to be wrong. My win percentage the last two weeks has still been in the 30% range which is pathetic. So, what can I do?

The best analogy I can use for how I am feeling and what I am doing these days is that I am in a constant state of debugging. I remember when I used to program and there would be a bug in the code I was writing. Some bugs were easy to find and others were real doozies. For the doozies, I would spend hours going over the code, inject stops in the debugger, and pull my hair out trying to fix the problem. Eventually, I would find it and fix it, and the program would work as I wanted it to. But it really was a painful process coming to that point. With trading, it feels as if I have been debugging the same code, the same problem for the last seven months and I can't figure out what the problem is. With programming, at some point, you can let other people look at your code and they might be able to help you out. I have had other people look at my trades, and they say "Well, it looks like you had a good entry and the right idea, it just didn't work out." Why is it then I just happen to pick all the right trades that never work out? I go home at night and reveiw charts and try to find a strategy that will work for me. I come to work the next day and try to execute the strategy, but what seemed so good in back testing the night before just doesn't work the next day. I am trying different things ... I am trying to debug the program ... but every morning is the same thing .... CORE DUMP. When will my program work?

Speaking of programs, one bit of good news. The IT staff at work actually granted me permission to write my own tickers for stock conditions. I have mentioned these in previous posts, but basically these will allow me to see stocks which meet certain entry criteria which I program. I am looking real forward to this because I have been requesting some tickers for a couple of weeks now and they have never been built. At least now, I will be able to take this matter into my own hands.

So, that is what I am off to do now. I am getting ready to VPN into the work network and start coding my tickers. I hope, at least, the debugging of these will be kept to minimum.

After further review ....

2006-10-16T05:19:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write a real quick entry before I headed out this morning.

First, thanks to everyone who has posted a comment on my blog recently encouraging me. I have found it difficult in the trading business to keep things in perspective at times. Trading really puts a person's ego right there on the line. You make a decision and you know very shortly whether you are right or wrong. When you are wrong a considerable amount of time, it takes a pretty optimistic person to keep their chin up and keep fighting. It also takes a well-grounded person to always keep things in perspective, and to remember what is truly important in life such as spiritual and personal relationships.

I had a chance this weekend to take a step back and reflect on my journey so far. In particular, I looked at my thought process and what I was placing first in my life. I have to say I am ashamed. However, I am ready to move forward from here, and give this trading thing another go around for a few more months. This time I will remind myself daily of what needs to be important to me, and I will try to do a better job of keeping things in perspective. Oh and maybe picking up a second job will help keep me busy and keep my mind of trading in my down time.

Changes Ahead?

2006-10-12T15:08:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many people even read this blog, but recently, I caught a little flack for my posts having an overly negative tone. I don't know whether it is only because I choose to blog when things are going bad, and therefore, I have something to vent, or whether I really am a "glass half empty" kind of person. Truly, I think it is a lot of both. So, as much as I would like for this to be a "utopia" post to prove the naysayers wrong, it ain't gonna happen.

Today sucked. It was my worst losing day ever ... a little over $800. I cut myself off a little after 1pm because I was just making bad decisions. I was trading emotionally and irrationally, and as a result, I lost a lot of money. Like a compulsive gambler or someone with an addiction, I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I kept doing it over and over today. I had 3 winning trades all day ... 3. And a whole bunch of losers.

And that has kind of been the pattern since late September. Last week, I was profitable but only a total of $25. This week has been an utter disaster for me. I think I am down a little over $1K this week alone. My winning percentage has dropped from over 60% the last couple of months to slightly under 30% the past couple of weeks. My winners are small, and my losers are huge. I have tried to spend the evenings reviewing my trades and figuring out what I am doing wrong, but I can't figure it out. I have sat down with my coach and other successful traders and tried to review trades with them. They say I am not taking profits quick enough when I have them. Maybe that is the case, but I always seem to dig myself such a big whole in the morning that I think each trade is going to be the one that gets me out. The majority of my trades start off good as 5 to 15 cent winners but I rarely ever take profits. Instead, I let them go back down and eventually I get stopped out of the trade for a 10 to 15 cent loser. Now, consider I trade with 300 to 500 shares at a time and each losing trade I make costs me between $30 and $75. It doesn't take too many of these to add up to $300/day or more in losses.

I know what many of you are thinking ... why don't you just take profits early from now on? Perhaps that will do the trick. However, I don't trade frequently, so my profits will never be large if I do this. Also, there is the risk reward ratio to think about. Ideally a trader wants a 1 to 3, risk to reward ratio. Considering I win less than 30% of the time, mine has to be more along the lines of 1 to 4, and that is to just break even. Therefore, if I am willing to give 10 cents, I need to try to make 40 cents on the trade. And frankly, finding those 40 cent trades are much harder than you would think. I also realize if I took quicker profits that I would have a higher winning percentage too, so I wouldn't need the large risk to reward ratio. After writing and thinking about this more, I am definitely going to try it tomorrow and see if it makes a difference. Maybe I have just been too greedy these past couple of weeks.

Regardless, the last couple of weeks have really made me do some serious self-reflection, and I am close to coming to the conclusion that I am just not cut out to be a trader. As I have always said, I love the challenge of it and I love the trading environment. However, there are some psychological and emotional characteristics that a trader must have, and I am just afraid I don't have them. Could I train myself to have them? Good question. But I am getting older, and you know what they say about old dogs and new tricks. I have always thought of myself as being resilient and able to bounce back from defeat quickly, but I am proving to myself day after day that is not the case. I am internalizing my daily failures and they haunt me. I know I need to shake them, but I have a difficult time. I am definitely my own worst enemy, and that certainly can't be the case, especially when you are playing against the market.

So, the big question is ... how much longer do I give myself? From the start, I said I was going to give myself one year. As much as I would like to hold myself to that, is that really the smartest move? I am now in my seventh month of trading, so that leaves 5 more months. However, I have already burned through over $12K in savings on this journey. Sure, I still have a little more, but I sure would hate to burn through another $12K and realize there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I have put my whole heart into being successful in this new career. I have constantly educated myself and tried new techniques. Sure I had a good run with SLV, but honesly, that was short-lived. Heck, I lost $100 today in that stock alone thinking I could still trade it. I'm sure there are more systems and techniques out there I haven't tried, but realistically, how many am I going to try and burn time and money in the process. On recommendation from RB, I have tried to coach myself positively the past few days. Especially today, but the same outcome occurred. I don't know how much longer I am going to give myself, but I do know the holidays are around the corner and the bank account is already drained. Add to that a perpetual losing streak, and I medication may be in the foreseeable future (if I can afford it).

The next big question ... what am I going to do for a living? I have thought about this a lot recently. I have thought about returning to the tech industry. Who knows ... maybe I could get a tech job at the trading company and play ping pong all day. That would be nice. However, I am not sure I would want the reminder of my failure haunting me on a daily basis. But everything has its price. I have also thought about pursuing another tech job, but I don't think I could program anymore. I am way out of practice and haven't even looked at code for the past several months. I wouldn't mind doing something in the financial industry, but most of those jobs are in Chicago and New York and I don't want to move there. I suppose the best opportunity I would have would be going back to teaching. In fact, one of the Math teachers at my wife's high school resigned recently, and they have posted his job. She mentioned it to me, so I think I am going to send my resume to the principal and just see where it goes from there. Ideally it would be cool to teach in the afternoon and trade in the mornings especially since the school is real close to where I work right now. We will see. I don't think I am ready to return to teaching full time right away, but that all depends on how desperate I get.

So there you have it. An extremely long post. Perhaps it is entertaining, or perhaps you don't even care. Whatever it is, positive or negative, it is where I am at in my life right now. Am I at a crossroads ... probably not yet. But I think I can see it not too far down the road from where I am at. Here is to hoping there is a side road or two along the way before I get there.

Who moved my cheese?

2006-10-01T06:24:00.000-07:00

This past week was a tough week for me. It was my first losing week since probably sometime in late May or early June. I was really fortunate to have a good couple month run there with SLV, but as I mentioned in my last post, I think the party is over. Not that there isn't still a party going on with that stock/ETF. It is very volatile and can make a person a lot of money in a short amount of time. However, the reverse is also true, and that is what seems to happen to me every time I traded that thing now. It isn't as correlated to the futures contracts as it was just a couple of weeks ago, and well, I think I mentioned some of the other problems in my last post as well.

So, what this basically comes down to is: somebody moved my cheese. For those of you not familiar with the book, it is a metaphor on changes in life and how to respond to them. I can't just keep losing money in SLV anymore. I have to move on and find something different. So, once again, it feels like March and April all over again for me, but I guess that is what this job is all about.

And I'm not the only one who is having their cheese moved either. Starting the end of next week, the NYSE is beginning to phase in a new "hybrid" trading system to keep up with other electronic exchanges (such as the Nasdaq). What this means is that there will be much fewer arbitrage opportunities for those traders who are considered hyper-scalpers. Unfortunately, that accounts for probably 60-75% of the traders in the office. The NYSE had a test run of the system on Saturday, and several of the traders came in to check it out. I stopped in as well on my way to a wedding yesterday afternoon. All in all, the outlook appears bleak for a lot of those traders. They are going to have to find something different to trade because it will be harder for them to get the easy 5, 10, or 15 cents they are used to. They used to make money because they were fast on the keyboard, but speed just won't make a difference anymore. Changes are ahead for everyone.

Yesterday at the wedding, I was able to talk with a guy who is a main programmer with Instinet. (Instinet is an order transaction service for trading stocks, to keep things simple.)He has been a programmer in the stock industry for well over a decade. He told me that he used to day trade back in the late 90s during the dot.com days. Back then, making money was so easy and he described to me how he did it. With the advent of electronic day trading, there were numerous arbitrage opportunites that were serious low-hanging fruit. He said he used to make thousands of dollars a day without even thinking or sweating losing any money. Since then though, things have changed, and he said he won't day trade anymore. There are too many things that are stacked against a person, and being successful takes a lot more time, effort, luck, and pain (in handling lossess, that is).

Which makes me feel that, once again, I am late to the game. Had I started trading when I got out of college the first time, I would have been able to participate in the "hey-days" of trading. I also felt like I was late to the game when I made a career switch from Math teacher to Software Engineer. I remember there being hundreds of companies coming to UT to interview students in the late 90s, but then the semester I finished, the market tumbled, all those companies went belly-up and hardly anyone was hiring. Without my volleyball connection at IBM, I would have been without employment. I guess I need to be thankful for the opportunities that have been given to me, but it just seems like I am always a day late and a dollar short.

So where does this lead me -- where is my new cheese? I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about returning to a "regular" job. I have really started to miss the regularity/security of a paycheck. Yet, it seems I hear at least one story a week about someone who has been working their job for over 10 years being let go due to outsourcing. So is there really long term security, or is it just temporary? I know that there is security in what I am doing as long as I can figure out some way, any way, of making money. There will always be a market, and I am my own boss, so I call the shots. Its when the shots are continuously wrong, that really begins to become mentally and emotionally strenuous. I just don't know anymore. Maybe next week will find me some answers to my questions and how I feeling.

It giveth ... and it taketh away

2006-09-27T20:20:00.000-07:00

Well, reality has hit me in the face the past couple of trading days My "go to" stock has changed on me. I haven't had a profitable day trading SLV for probably over a week. I noticed sometime around last Wednesday that things were a lot different with the timing of the stock quotes and their correlation to the Silver futures. A lot of the quotes for SLV are run by black boxes - unmanned automatic systems created by large institutions. I had been exploiting an inefficiency in these systems and was reaping the benefits.

Well, the party is over.

I haven't had a winning day now since last Friday, and things have pretty much sucked. I knew this was coming, but really didn't plan ahead too well. I have some ideas that I am going to start trying come October 1, but I have decided to take the rest of the month off. I have been in need of a break for a long time. So rather than try something new and risk losing any more of what I made the month of September, I am going to call it a month, chill out, and enjoy the wonderful weather we have been having the past few days. After all, that is one of the benefits of this job ... flexibility. But as one of my friends told me ... it is only a benefit if you allow yourself to take advantage of it. So that is what I am doing.

Other than that, I have been spending my time reading and watching more videos on YouTube and Google Video. Which leads me to the real reason I posted this evening.

I ran across the following video on another trader's blog site. I have to admit, I am somewhat a sucker for conspiracy theory videos, but this one is absolutely awesome. At a little over an hour and a half long, it sent disturbingly eerie goosebumps across my body for a large portion of the film. Although lengthy, please take the time and watch it. It is WELL worth it. And if you thought Fahrenheit 9/11 had some interesting arguments, it has nothing on this.

Chugging along

2006-09-18T17:06:00.000-07:00

Not much new to write about.

Last week was one of my better weeks in a while. I was pretty happy with that. We also had a "pod" Happy Hour at Little Woodrow's on Sixth last Wednesday. That was enjoyable, too. My coach picked up the tab, and we were able to discuss a lot of things about trading. Hopefully, I will be able to apply a lot of what we discussed to my personal trading. I also received my second paycheck last week - it was a little more than double the first one and still a far cry from the tech job paycheck. One of these days, whenever I am ready to step up to the plate, I know that will change.

Speaking of tech job, I had a nice run in with Intuit Tech support this evening. All of a sudden, my Quicken 2005 stopped updating from my financial institutions. I went through all the troubleshooting steps available online and found the problem. However, the web site said I need to contact Intuit for support if this problem occurred. I called and was on hold for 15 minutes (after the approximate wait time announced at the beginning of the call said "2 minutes"). I described my problem to the man, and he said that he could help me, but it would cost $25. I told him I diagnosed the problem for him, and that all I needed was the solution. He said it would still cost me $25. I told him I wanted to speak to his supervisor. The supervisor told me it would cost $25. I told her I was a software engineer and knew how these things worked (yeah right). I asked her if at any point and time in the super top secret solution steps, I would be asked to uninstall and reinstall the application. She said "Yes." I said "Thank you very much," hung up, and did just that. The program works like a charm now.

Let me just mention that I will be going out of my way tomorrow to try and short Intuit stock and make at least $25 off of their sorry asses. That was the most lame excuse to try to rip off their customers I have ever seen. Heck ... I might have to go away from using Turbo Tax next year just because of that. We will see.

6 Month Anniversary

2006-09-10T07:54:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't written in a while. There have been a few times this past week where I have thought about writing, but honestly, there just isn't much new happening with my job or in my life these days. I would just be writing to write, and quite frankly, I have been enjoying watching a lot of US Open tennis these past two weeks, so this always gets overlooked.

As far as my job ... I celebrated my 6 month anniversary this past week. Again, I have been pleased with my progress, but I struggle to take my trading to the next level. I had one of my better weeks this past week, but mostly, I feel like its "Groundhog's Day" everyday. I am positive mostly everyday, but struggle to find ways to make money other than trading one stock, SLV. I look at my P&L at the end of each day, and I am positive whatever I make in SLV. Sure, I trade other stocks, but they end up washing each other out -- positive in some, negative in others. This has been going on now for several months and is starting to get a little old ... and frustrating. Everyday I go in looking for something new. I am ready to find another stock I can consistently profit in, but everyday .... same thing. Dare I say I am getting a little burned out already?

The one thing about trading is that everyday you are working. Sure there are down times during the day, and I need to take advantage of that more I suppose. But I remember the low stress times in between projects at my other job where I brushed up on skills, or unwound a little bit from the subsequent months of intense work. There definitely isn't much of that going on with trading. However, I need to remember I am never asked to work weekends if I don't want to. Pluses and minuses to everything I suppose.

One of the things I have been getting worked up about lately at my new work place are the IT staff ... developers and testers to be exact. There are a lot of people who work their butts off at the company, I won't deny that. But there appears to me to be little or no accountability of these particular people and their jobs. I started noticing several months back that nearly everytime I would get up from my trading desk to use the restroom, get something to eat, or go talk to another trader, I would see these group of 4 to 6 people roaming around. Sometimes they would be playing ping pong, sometimes playing foosball, sometimes eating leftover food from lunch, and sometimes just hanging around. A couple of weeks ago another new trader mentioned this to me, and I guess I started paying more attention to it. Now, I have become obsessed with it. Once again, this is something I can't control, and I am getting worked up about it. Ugghh.

But seriously, figure this. This is a private company that has a development and QA software staff that creates software for internal use only. None of the software is going to be sold to customers, so there are no defined development or testing procedures in place. I started asking them about test plans or content documents and they looked at me with a blank stare. Furthermore, there are no defined release dates for any product that is in production. If it takes a few more weeks to get something finished, really ... who cares? It's not like traders are not making money because a new product hasn't been released. If something crashes or doesn't work, it is all internal ... no big deal. Also, I have yet to have one of my software improvements or suggestions actually be implemented. I am continuously met with the response ... "Yeah, we can't do that. Sorry."

So, lately, I have been paying more attention to the work habits of these people, and I have become more and more frustrated. After all, I am helping pay these people's salaries with the split from my profits. That wouldn't be bad if I was getting my money's worth, but with the percentage split as it is and my "Groundhog's Day" performances, I am struggling to make ends meet in my own life. Yet, I have to go into work everyday and watch these people play ping pong and foosball all day long and know that I am helping pay them to do these things. All the while they tell me that they can't implement improvements I think would help make me more successful. And this behavior is acceptable.

Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for the opportunity that has been extended to me with this company. I am thankful I don't have to use my own money to trade and don't have to worry about that in the back of my mind everyday. But, I can't help but come to this realization: if I traded with my own money at a shop that gave me a split between 80% and 90% and I was able to continue my "Groundhog's Day" performance, I would be making as much, if not more than what I made at my previous software job. However, with the my current split being what it is, I won't even make as much as I did when I was a school teacher. Combine that with my rant above, and hopefully you can sense the frustration. I really need to start taking advantage of the fact I am not trading my own money. I need to trade with more size ... a lot more size and go for broke. If it doesn't work out ... oh well ... not my money. Start looking for a place where I can trade my own money and trade how I do now. That would be a pretty comfortable living.

So, there is my soapbox rant for this posting. By the way, the company is hiring more software developers and testers, so if the work environment described above appeals to you and you know of anyone looking for a technical job, let me know. If I recommend them and they get hired, I would get a $1000 bonus. Just trying to make my money back anyway possible :-).

The Week that was Overdue

2006-08-25T14:38:00.000-07:00

This week sucked. Sucked .... I tell you.

Monday and Tuesday weren't too bad. I was up about $400 each day, but it was all downhill from there.

On Wednesday, I was up about $400 at lunch and then I started trading OIH. I traded this stock early on with moderate success, but it is definitely not a stock to take lightly. It will have a 50 cent swing in the matter of a minute, so if you are on the wrong side of the trade with 400 shares, there is going to be some pain. Unfortunately, I let my emotions get the best of me a couple of times in that stock on Wednesday afternoon. By the time the day was over, I was only up $8. Sad.

On Thursday, I continued my bad luck. I did not have a winning trade in my "bread and butter" stock all day (SLV). My win percentage for all trades was 38%. Things sucked and I had my first losing day in almost 30 trading days. Down $160. I made some horrible decisions and just couldn't recover. I hate losing, and yesterday reminded me just how hard I am on myself when things go wrong.

Today ... I had my second losing day in a row. Although I was only down $15 on the day, I did not have a winning trade in SLV again. Needless to say my confidence is shaken, and here I am again, doubting myself.

I have said all along that I am worried that I am so dependent on one stock to make my money. The last two days proved my point. I missed all the big moves in SLV for one reason or another. Yesterday I was too busy babysitting a losing position in another volatile stock. Today, I stepped away for 3 minutes to grab some food for lunch. Of course, there were also times when I was on the wrong side of the move and lost money. This has definitely got me concerned. I need to figure something out.

I also think I am getting a little burned out on trading. I have been working extremely hard since the beginning of March trying to be a better trader. I come home after the day is over and study charts to no end. I read books and magazines and try to absorb as much as possible. I dream about it when I sleep at night. I have become completely obsessed with trading and being successful. There is no doubt, I have learned a lot and gotten better, but frankly, I think it is starting to take its toll on me. I need to take a break. I was going to take one today, but I felt guilty. After all, I am paying the exchange fees, lunch fees, user fees, etc. every day. I might as well try to go in and make money. I think I may need to force myself to take a day off here sometime soon to refresh myself.

One thing that I have definitely missed since starting to trade has been being able to buy myself things -- as a reward for all the hard work I have been doing. I probably made 2 to 3 purchases a year when I worked at my other job, and there was something about it that made me feel good. Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury to do that at all these days. Heck, I can't even really afford to go out to eat these days, and that is something Kim and I loved to do. Things like that are tough, and when I have a week like I had this week, I wonder whether I wouldn't be better off having a steady paycheck and being able to enjoy the things I want to enjoy in my time away from work. Uggghhh ... I don't know.

In other news, I got a part-time job offer presented to me at work this week doing ... of all things ... software testing. One of the software managers came up to me and said that they were looking for some extra QA people, had heard that I had QA experience, and wanted to offer me a part-time position. I would be ... get this ... writing and exectuting test cases along with managing a group of other non-technical traders who would be testing as well. The pay would probably be around $20/hour which is pretty decent. Anyway, I think I am going to do it because the cash will certainly help. Plus, I will still be working with the trading platform and that could help in the long run as well. I can work from home in the evenings and on the weekends as necessary, so it seems like a pretty good situation. So here I am ... back to software testing ... wow.

All in all, I know I need to count my blessings. I still like what I am doing and I don't have a boss telling me I HAVE to work this weekend, but I could use a vacation. I haven't really had one of those in a long time. I suppose Labor Day weekend will suffice for now. Sigh.

Two Milestones (a "1st" and a "33rd")

2006-08-17T15:13:00.000-07:00

It's been a little while since my last post, but that is mainly because there really hasn't been anything exciting going on in my life.

Work is still the same, although this week has been kind of crappy for me. I haven't made more than $200 any day this week, and of course that will hinder my paycheck next month. I have tried to step up and trade more shares, but have been getting burned more than I would like. I guess this is all part of the growing process. I have been trying to use some different techniques in my trading this week, but have not been able to consistently pull profits. This is kind of discouraging since it makes me feel like I am back to square one. Who knows ... maybe one of these weeks I will figure something out which is bigger and better.

So, what are my milestones? Well, I received my first paycheck this month. A whopping $500. Yippee! Let me see, that paid for the gas in my car for the past couple of months. I guess something is better than nothing, but it is a little frustrating to have still not turned that bigger corner to bigger profits. Yeah, I am bitchin' a little, but I know I have no one else to blame but myself. So, I have got to find a way to get it together. My goal is to make over $1000 in one day. The stars will have to align for me to do it the way I have been trading lately, but that is my new goal. By the way, a trader in the office made $89,000 yesterday alone! In one day! Absolutely ridiculuos. The potential is there for me ... I just need to step up.

The other milestone .... today is my birthday. I am really starting to feel older and out of touch with what is hip today. I spend my spare time listening to "classic" rock from the 80s, searching YouTube for 80s music videos, and watching VH1 Classic. I couldn't tell you a Top 40 song that is being played on the radio these days. Pretty pathetic and something that is much different than a few years ago. When I was teaching school and coaching, I knew what was hot and what wasn't. Now, my wife complains that I dress like an old-fogie and I like it. She has bought me several trendy shirts to wear to work recently, but I think I look goofy in them. Give me my old Stryper Tour T-shirt and a pair of flip-flops anyday. I guess I just know what I like. Change baaaadddd!

Soapbox Time

2006-08-09T16:42:00.000-07:00

What is this? A post midweek. Yeah. I figured, "What the heck".

Not much new trading-wise. Monday and Today were lame. I made some big mistakes each day that cost me hundreds of dollars. I guess that is the nature of the game. I ended up around $150 each day, though, so I will take it. Yesterday, I made some good money with the Fed announcement. At first after the announcement, the market took off, so I was able to get in a couple of stocks long. Then about 5 minutes later, it went straight down. I was able to sell for a profit and reverse my position short. All in all, I made around $700 yesterday. Not bad considering that I was in the hole at lunch time. I am still trying to find a way to break out though and consistently profit $500/day. That is my goal. Stay tuned for the progress.

So, the title of this post is "Soapbox Time". I figured I would rant a little about schools and education. For those of you who don't know, my wife decided to coach and teach again this year. NO ... she is not quitting real estate, but considering the market was slowing down, and I switched jobs, the decision was the best one for us. At least we would have 1 stable income in the family :-). She is still going to maintain her real estate license and practice in her spare time for family and friends, so in case anyone is in need for a realtor ... hint, hint ... just let me know. Anyway, I digress.

One of the things my wife is very good at is motivation. She definitely has kept me going through my hard times with my former employer and early on with my trading. She always seems to know the right thing to say to make me want to do better, and for that, I am greatful. This year, the motto she created for her volleyball team was "Army of One". She had some camouflage shirts printed up with several of the lines from the Army's "Soldier's Creed". All the girls were really pumped up about it, but ... guess what? The administration got wind of it, and nixed the idea of the girls every wearing the shirts when representing the school. The excuse: " Given the current conditions in the world, we feel it would be inappropriate to have our kids representing the school in such attire."

Honestly, give me a break!

What is the school's mascot? Crusaders

From the Catholic Encyclopedia:
The Crusades were expeditions undertaken, in fulfilment of a solemn vow, to deliver the Holy Places from Mohammedan tyranny. Since the Middle Ages the meaning of the word crusade has been extended to include all wars undertaken in pursuance of a vow, and directed against infidels, i.e. against Mohammedans, pagans, heretics, or those under the ban of excommunication.

The crusades themselves were wars, and by having such a mascot, is the school not glorifying violence and war (allbeit for the sake of Christ)? Seems like a little bit of hypocrisy to me.

And as for the shirts potentially mocking the current situation in the world. Sure I could see that. I can also see that it is a constant reminder of what we are facing and the everyday struggles that exist in the world. It totally depends on how you spin it. It could have given the girls on her team a new respect for the freedom they have and the sacrifices others are making to protect those freedoms. But, instead, like almost everything that is presented to ANY school administrations, the worst possible scenario is always played out and good ideas are always suppressed. ALWAYS.

We wonder why our school systems underperform? Simple, it is because administrations stifle creativity in order to be politically correct. As a result, innovation is discouraged. You can only be told "NO" so many times before you quit bringing up ideas anymore, and then you become part of the system. I tried to be a teacher, but it didn't work. I got sick of all the B.S. which is 10 times worse than what exists in Corporate America. Not only do you have to answer to the administration, but you are also a servant to the parents. Often times, the best interests of the two are conflicting. Oh ... and don't forget the kids because that is who you are really doing this for ... yeah right. That is who you should be focusing on, but the administration will rarely ever let you. Maybe this is another reason deep down inside that I don't want to have kids ... I have no faith in America's education system. Public or Private.

If I ever had to leave trading and I had to choose between returning to my former employer and going back to teaching, the decision would be easy! Hands down! The tech job ... because of situations like I described above.

OK ... that is enough preaching from me this evening. I will leave it at that.

5 Month Anniversary

2006-08-06T18:33:00.000-07:00

Today marks my 5 month anniversary of starting my new job. It really is hard to believe I have come as far as I have in this amount of time. I feel blessed for what I have already experienced, and I feel excited about what the future holds. Hopefully, the next 5 months are as rewarding as the last 5.

Last week included the end of the month of July and the first couple of days of August. Monday was a pretty ugly day for me. I think I ended up only around $50 that day which put me net positive for the month of July. I think my coach said that for July I was up a little over $7K. I am definitely happy with that, but I know my last few days of trading in July just stunk. So, as I mentioned several posts ago, I should have all of my variable expenses paid off, and I will be getting a very small check in a couple of weeks. (Paychecks only come once a month at this job). The rest of the week turned out pretty good. I had a couple of solid positive days, and I believe that on Friday I already paid off all of my variable expenses for the month of August. For the rest of the month, I am working for myself. That is kind of a good feeling, but now it is up to me to really expand myself for the rest of the month. Assume more risk and really try to take my trading to the next level. We'll see how it goes this week.

Other than that, it has pretty much been "same ol', same ol'" for me. I still love the job and going in every morning. I guess there are only two other things I want to comment on this week.

1. I spoke to a former colleague of mine this past week. I asked him what he knew about the status of the project that I would have been working on had I still been with my former company. He hadn't heard much, he said, but after talking to him about how my current job was going, he told me to not even think about it anymore .... I made the right decision. I think I already knew that, but for some strange reason I was looking for justification. Is that a lack of self-confidence on my part?
2. I realized how much I REALLY loved my new job on Friday. I mean ... I knew I liked it, but Friday was the icing on the cake. It just doesn't get any better. I didn't make a lot of money ... only up $500 or so by the end of the day ... but everything else seemed too good to be true. By noon, the markets were slowing down, so the CEO asked one of the traders to make a beer run. By 1pm, we were drinking beer and playing a massive game of Quake. Every once in a while the markets would surge so people would get out of the game to trade, but then come right back in. Not much later, somebody on my trading row started playing the 80s hair metal station from Yahoo radio, and we all started rocking out. So ... here I was on a Friday afternoon ... drinking beer, playing Quake, and jamming out ... at work. Somebody made the comment, "Man ... I love this job." I thought to myself, "Yeah ... I really do love this job." Then, I turned off my computer, and left for the week in order to catch the 3pm showing of Talladega Nights at the Alamo Drafthouse. I know .. I know ... I still don't have a steady paycheck ... but I'm hoping that will change soon. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Crossroads / Week Summary

2006-07-30T15:41:00.000-07:00

Another week has come and gone. Not much new, pretty much same old story with the job.

This was my worst week for the month of July. I think I ended up the week positive around $1000. That is still nothing to frown about, but it isn't going to pay the bills in the long run. It was a lot tougher to trade the same style I had for the past couple of weeks. I wasn't getting filled as much and definitely didn't trade as many shares. I guess that is what makes this job so challenging ... it is constantly changing. What works for you one day, won't work for you the next. It is up to you to be sharp, make the changes, and find success. I still love the challenge and can't see myself going back to corporate America anytime soon.

However ....

I found something out this week that was a little frustrating for me. It appears that my group was the first starting group at the company that is being compensated under a new plan. As a result, I am getting 10% less of the profits I generate than what I had expected (up to $1 million :-) ). When I found this out this past week, I started looking for documentation I received from the company when I was first interviewing with them because I know I was told a different compensation structure. In fact, I think I was even given a sheet of paper with the compensation structure. However, I can't find it. I don't know whether it is lost, or I threw it away, but I don't have it.

I know I signed some papers when I joined and the payout percentages were in there. Unfortunately, with my attention to detail, I didn't pay attention to the numbers, and I don't think anyone else in my group did either. Also, I don't remember HR making an effort to point it out to us either, so I kind of feel that they were trying to slip one past us. That is pretty uncharacteristic of me to not go over something like that with a fine tooth comb, but it is what it is, and I can't change that. Besides, what would I have done anyway if I had found it? If I called them on it and raised a stink, they could have let me go. Then what would I have done? I had already quit my tech job, and, then, I would REALLY be unemployed.

Couple this situation above with some pretty steep trading fees and expenses, and I have seriously begun to doubt if I am going to be able to make it. I know I have said in the past that if I could make half as much as I did with my tech job, then I would be happy. However, after doing some number crunching this weekend, I would have to average making $500/day with trading just for that to be the case. There are traders in the firm who average $2k or $3k a day, but they have been doing this for a long time. I think during the month of July I have averaged a little over $300/day, and I feel I had a very good month. Honestly, I am going to really have to step up if I am going to average $500/day. Stepping up means assuming a lot more risk, and I guess I just need to say "screw it", it isn't my money anyway, right? I know I have been successful trading a default of 300 shares, now it is almost back to square one next week as I increase my default share size and see if I can take the next step forward.

So here we go again, the fear of doing something new. The fear of change. I have to step out of my comfort zone to make something happen. Tune in next week for the update.

Week 20 Summary

2006-07-23T15:45:00.000-07:00

I did it!

By my calculations, on Thursday of this past week, I Super Yahtzeed. I have to admit ... I had a really good week by my standards. I ended up right around $2800 on the week which, frankly, I can't believe. Just when I think it is going to be harder and harder to perform better than the previous week, somehow, it happens. Once again, I feel very fortunate for some of the decisions and trades that I maded this week that helped put me over the top. So, with that said, considering I don't implode this week, I am working for myself. I will get a percentage of whatever I make, and then hopefully get a check sometime in early August.

The journey in this new career, however, is just starting. I have already cleared some significant hurdles, but now I have to push myself to do even better, and take more risk. Earlier in the week, my coach increased my default share size to 1000 shares. (He also increased my trading capital to $500K). This means I am allowed to trade 1000 shares on every trade I make. This could mean huge success or huge disaster. However, I chose for the rest of the week to remain trading a default of only 300 shares. The stocks I have been primarily trading are thin, which means they are not traded much. If I get in 1000 shares and the trade doesn't go my way, it will be much harder to get out of 1000 shares than it is to get out of 300. Frankly that is what has saved me from huge losses the last couple of days. I think next week I am going to try 500 shares and see how that goes.

So, there you have it. Last week, I threw my conservative "super yahtzee" target out there for the end of August. Little did I know one week later I would accomplish the task. It is pretty incredible when you think about it, and I definitely do not take it for granted. I only hope I can keep things going. I have to say, right now, I feel like I am living a dream ... I truly enjoy going to work every morning, I love the work I am doing, and I am starting to become relatively decent at it. I work for myself, so I don't have to take orders from any bosses. I like the people who I work with and the work environment. What more can I say ... I am thankful and I am blessed.

Random thought this week.
My wife and I stumbled upon the movie "Pay it Forward" Saturday morning on TBS. If you have never seen it, I suggest watching it. The message is very good. There is a part at the end of the movie where Haley Joel Osment's character gets interviewed. Check it out below, from youtube.com., particularly around the 2:00 area.

I keep thinking that is exactly what I was feeling for some time at my former job. But all of sudden, I wasn't scared anymore, so I ventured out, and tried to make something happen. I know ... Pay It Forward has to do with doing nice deeds for others, but sometimes doing nice deeds for someone else involves taking care of #1.

Once again, I hope everyone is doing well, and when is the next happy hour?

Week 19 Summary

2006-07-15T06:17:00.000-07:00

This week had the makings to be something very good, but ended in a bit of fizzle.

On Monday and Tuesday, I had great trading days. There wasn't much happening on Monday with the stocks I normally trade, but I was still able to net around $400. On Tuesday, though, I set another personal best day with just a little over $700. I really seemed to be into a groove. I was mainly trading one stock, but started to branch out into one or two others. All of them were making money for me, and life was good.

Wednesday through Friday were different stories. Each one of those days, I started the day by making huge losing trades. Each day I put myself in a hole between $250 and $300. The good news is that, by the end of the day, I was able to dig my way out of the hole, and finished positive. The bad news is that between the 3 days, I think I only netted around $300.

I don't know what it was these past three days. I guess I was looking at the stock movement wrong or something. Forget the fact that the past three days were huge down days for the market, That should not have effected my performance the way it did. In fact, it should have helped. I think I was trying to be too aggressive in the morning in order to pick up early moves, and nothing worked. I also started to trade some new ETFs ... unsuccessfully. On Friday, I lost $200 in one trade of MVV, an ETF that tracks double the S&P 400 MidCap index. This happened in about 3-5 minutes. Strange thing is, if I had just held on a little longer, the stock would have turned the corner huge, and I would have made over $1000 on that trade alone. Woulda, coulda, shoulda ... but didn't.

Anyway, I need to regroup for next week. I strayed the last few days from trading Silver. I need to get back to doing that. If it ain't broke don't fix it, right? Not for me, I try to have the best of all possible worlds. I will focus on making some of these changes for next week and stick to it.

All in all, I am still on track to break even in August, and I still love the job. Honestly, it can't be beat, and again, I just hope I can continue my recent success, perhaps build upon it, and make it a career. I honestly can't imagine returning to corporate America. Still, though, no paycheck, and the savings continue to be drained. Sigh. One of these days.

In non-work-related news, I have started to become addicted to YouTube. I spent several hours on that site several nights within the past couple weeks, and keep going back for more. I don't really watch all the crazy homemade videos, although some of them are quite good. What I go for are the old obscure 80s music videos that I haven't seen in years. It is amazing how many of these videos people have actually kept over the years and decided to rip and place on YouTube. Within the past month, it seems that there has been a particular flood of old 80s Hair Band videos added and videos ripped from the WTBS series Night Tracks. It is wonderful. Really brings me back to my youth. (Does this constitute a midlife crisis or is it just nostalgic? :-) )

Week 18 Summary

2006-07-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't done a "week" summary in a long time. In fact, I had to bring up iCal and count exactly how many weeks I have actually been at this trading thing. June was a busy month for me. Between trading and volleyball and vacations and weddings on the weekend, I really didn't have that much spare time. I kind of lost track, too, of how long I have been at this. Anyway, on to the summary.

In terms of trading, I have to say that I was truly blessed this past week. You may have already read about my new personal high on Wednesday in my last post. Well, believe it or not, I followed it up with another personal high on Thursday .. $610. Things just seemed to fall in place and I made a lot of good decisions. I was really proud of myself. Friday was no slouch of a day either for me. I ended up around $400. That means on the week, I had net profit of nearly $1700. I am really starting to feel pretty confident in the decisions I am making.

However, one thing still scares me and that is the majority of my profits are coming from 1 stock. If for some reason that stock changes the way it moves or more people start trading it, the gravy train could be over soon. Don't get me wrong, I am going to ride it out for as long as I can, but I am also spending this time trying to learn how to trade other stocks as well. At least now I have one place to go where I feel I have a reasonable chance for success. I can use that to fund my learning in other areas too.

Also, I still haven't received a paycheck, nor will I anytime soon. I still need to pay off all my variable costs, lunches, etc. I did some number crunching and figured out that if I can average $800/week net profit from here to the end of August, I will completely break even and start collecting a check. The term used by the company for this occurrence is "Super Yahtzee" (no ... not "Scrabble" ... sorry). I think this is a realistic goal for me. Hopefully, I can push myself toward this. And oh, if I happen to get to this point before the end of August, that will just be a bonus.

All in all, though, I am very pleased and very thankful I was able to stumble across this stock that I have been trading so well. My coach is pushing me to trade with more shares, up to 400 or 500 now at a time, and he has increased my trading capital to $200K. Theory is that I should become even more profitable. We will certainly see. This week might be pretty rough as I go through this growing pain, but hopefully, I will have some good news to share next week.

Thanks again, to everyone who reads and comments.

1 down ... 1 to go

2006-07-05T17:03:00.000-07:00

So, it has been a little more than a week since I posted. During that time, I have been to Atlanta and back with volleyball and celebrated the 4th with some friends. Things have been going well with trading, but I will get to that second.

First up, volleyball. The season is finally over. Thank goodness! This was one of the most disappointing seasons I have ever coached. There was rarely a practice that went by that I didn't think I was wasting my time. The girls on the team struggled to make change, and I lacked the fortitude to force them to change. As a result, we finished the year-end tournament somewhere around 41st in the nation. The same basic team last year finished 11th. There were some players added/switched to the team from the year before and the chemistry wasn't as good this year. Hopefully, the "bad seeds" can be placed on a different team next year and the team will experience more success. However, the girls on the team were really nice.

Regardless, I am glad things are over. I still haven't decided whether I want to coach again next year. The time commitment is extensive and I just don't know if my heart is in it. I will have to make that decision in a couple of months, so until then, I am not going to think about it.

Now ... on to trading.

I have really been blessed to have some great days since the last time I posted. Last Monday, I made around $200, and I followed that up on Tuesday with a personal high of $350. Because of stupid volleyball, I missed Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday last week, but I called and talked to some trader friends about how the days went. They all said I would have made even more money than Monday and Tuesday because the stocks I have been trading trended really well the last part of the week. Great ... that is exactly something I wanted to hear. Just when I was starting to get on a roll, here comes volleyball getting in the way. Needless to say, I watched CNBC while in Atlanta, and was cursing at myself for having to coach rather than trade. I am over it now, but that feeling might definitely help me make my decision about whether or not to coach next year.

This week started off with a half day of trading on Monday. I came back and ended the day up about $125. Not bad considering I have been off for a while and the volume was very light. Tuesday was the 4th and the markets were closed, but today things were in full force. And I am proud to say, I achieved another personal best day today ... $590.

So what does this mean? This means that I finally dug myself out of the hole I dug when I first started back in March. The term the firm uses for this occasion is "Yahtzee." So, today, I yahtzeed. This is the first big step that a trader makes on his/her way to becoming profitable. In fact, once a trader "yahtzees", the odds of him/her "making it" in the long run increases from 30% to over 80%.

Where does this leave me? Well, I still have an enormous bill I have to pay back before I start receiving a check. Since March, I have been accumulating exchange fees, lunch fees, insurance premiums, etc. All of these I have to pay back before I get paid a dime. My monthly fees run somewhere in the neighborhood of $1100/month, so you can do the math and figure out how much more I need to make in order to really break even. Regardless, I feel good about where I am at right now. I am starting to see the big picture and hopefully can keep chipping away at all of my accumulated debt. Then, one of these days, I might even be lucky enough to get a paycheck .... oh to dream!

So, for right now .... one goal reached. The next one will be longer, but I am up for the challenge.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

2006-06-24T06:07:00.000-07:00

This a rare week for me ... two posts. Maybe I can keep this a regular thing. We will see.

Well, this week ended on a positive note ... in more ways than one.

First, on Thursday, I got a call from the doctor with my results. He said that there was nothing cancerous and that my condition was perfectly normal and nothing to be concerned about. It's hard to believe what I have is "normal", but that was a huge relief and am thankful that it was nothing serious. Like I mentioned in my previous post, when you come across something like that, it just takes the wind out of your sails. But I guess that is what makes life so interesting. In fact, it's like a box of chocolates .... but I digress. Anyway, thanks to those who were thinking about me this past week.

As far as trading goes, I hope I have started to turn the corner. I finished with a pretty good day on Friday, and ended positive on the week. In fact, at our "end of week" rally after the market close on Friday, I was mentioned as the 3rd best rookie for the week! (Rookie meaning 0 - 6 months experience). I started trading with more capital and more shares and it didn't seem to hurt me too bad. Although I did give away $100 in one trade on Thursday because I started trading with more shares. My coach has said this is a tough market to trade and if I am doing well now then I should be pretty confident moving forward. Regardless, I know I still need to work on some things, and I know I need to diversify my trading too, but I will take this last week for sure.

So, after Friday, I am probably down around $3200. But it feels so good to be chipping away at the total. I hope I can continue.

In other news, Kim noticed a crack in the windshield on our Honda Pilot yesterday. We need to get that fixed, so who knows how much that will cost. We still need to take our dog to the vet for her yearly shots ... another bill. Kim and I have 3 weddings to attend in the coming weeks. More money to spend on wedding gifts. Both Kim and I have some pretty hefty doctor's bills coming as well. Not to mention all of our other "small" bills. So, although I am making progress in my job, it still feels like I am paddling up a river against a pretty strong current in life. I know things will work out in the end, but it is still draining. It seems like I just haven't been able to get ahead recently.

I am ready for June to be over. This has been such a busy month, especially on the weekends. Weddings, volleyball tournaments, vacations ... I am ready for July and August.

That about does it for this week. Be back soon.

It was the best of times ... It was the worst of times

2006-06-20T15:35:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a while since my last post, but I have two good reasons. First, Kim and I took a mini-vacation with some friends to the "Redneck Riviera" last weekend - Port Aransas. It was some great fun and I had a great time.

I really miss taking vacations. When I worked at the tech job, Kim and I would take about two each year .. mainly cruises. It was good to get away and relax for a week or so. However, when I knew I wanted to switch careers, we stopped going because I knew I had to save money. So, this was the first vacation we had taken in well over a year. Like I said, it was a lot of fun, and I wish it could have been for a little longer. Oh well, maybe one of these days when I start making the big bucks.

Also, last week, I had a scare, and actually, I am still waiting for results from the doctor. Without going into further detail, I will just say, I had to see a urologist on Thursday to have an ultrasound right before going on vacation. It was something I discovered on Tuesday and that has concerned me ever since. Intial prognosis by both the doctor and the woman giving the ultrasound are that it is nothing to worry about. However, I haven't heard anything back from the doctor, and am starting to get a little concerned. The nurse from the doctor's office said they will notify me by tomorrow, Wednesday. In the meantime, I have been saying my prayers and trying to live my life more freely. When something like this hits, you realize there are more important things than money and careers. Relationships and time, in general, become more treasurable. I hope I can maintain this attitude moving forward. Not to be self-centered, but please keep me in your thoughts and prayers in the coming days as I await the news.

The situation above really put a damper on things last week. I should have been on Cloud Nine. I was going on vacation and I felt as if I was beginning to turn the corner with my trading. I had the bad day on Monday that I blogged about. However, the other two days I traded, I ended up positive, and actually ended up positive for the week. (I spent the entire day at the doctor on Thursday and was in Port Aransas on Friday so I didn't get to trade). Yesterday, I was down a little, but today I had another pretty good day. I still attribute a lot of my success to the Amibroker application, but I am also starting to see things a little better. I know what I am looking for and if a stock doesn't meet my criteria, I move on. My entries are getting better and better, so now I need to work on my exits. My coach increased my default share size and trading capital, so I will see how much damage I can do now. All in all, I am happier with my progress. I still need to work hard in the evenings to refine my strategy, but I am feeling more and more confident that, if I remain disciplined, my strategy will work in the long run. Let me try it though with double the number of shares and get back to you.

So ... here is where I stand.
This month - Up $350
Total amount in the hole - $3500

As you can see, I still have a way to go to erase my debt. Tomorrow is another day ... sigh.

Ehhh .. not quite

2006-06-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

I guess it was just luck last week. Another bad day today. I gave everything back and then some. Right back to square one. I can't figure this damn job out.

Oh well, there is always tomorrow.

A New Hope?

2006-06-11T15:34:00.000-07:00

So .... for all the "doom and gloom" and "woe is me" postings the past couple of weeks regarding my career switch, I actually have some good news this week.

The last three days this past week were my first, second, and fourth best days ever.

I was able to completely erase the deficit I created for myself the week before (the one I was belly-aching about in my last post), and actually started cutting into my deficit from the previous months.

I am not going to say that I am starting to see the big picture and understand what is going on because I'm not. But, I was able to come up with a strategy that I was comfortable executing. I got in a few "lucky" trades as well that really made my days and sometimes that is all that it takes.

The biggest difference for me was that I was finally able to get my strategy with the Amibroker application up and running live on Wednesday. This allowed me to scan several stocks (5 to be exact) every minute, and if the conditions I wanted to see appeared, the application would alert me with a pop-up window. This popup window would contain the name of the stock and either buy or sell. I felt confident in executing these signals because I had backtested them on 1-minute charts for the past 30 days or so. I knew what my stop losses needed to be and what the chart looked like when the setup was failing. I was able to get out with relatively small losses and let my winners run ... well, maybe not the second part entirely. My winning percentage the last three days had to have been somewhere in the 65% range. My only problem was getting out of positions too early. but I was still able to lock in profits. This has started to give me a little bit of confidence which will hopefully carry over into next week. By no means, is the strategy perfect, but I am going to continue to spend time to refine it and see where it leads. All those week night evenings really seemed to have paid off. (At least momentarily).

On another positive note (non-trading related), I checked my mail yesterday and found a check from from my former employer! Without going into details, I would like to send out a major "Thank You" to my former co-worker, DK. If you read this, you went well out of your way to help me out with this situation, and I definitely owe you dinner and drinks .. big time! You are a great guy with a great heart! Also, a "Thank you" goes to my former manager. I was only an employee working for her for two months and didn't even really know her that well, but she spent the time and effort on me to make this happen even though I was no longer with the company. Once again, big "Thanks" to the two of you and helpng me out!

In other news, I have some rather large expenses lurking on the horizon which are going to further deplete the savings. First, there is Sasha's yearly shot and check-up at the vet. I am pretty sure this is going to end up running $150-$200. Then, there is the 22K mile maintenance on the Honda Pilot. That will be right at $200. Kim and I are going on a mini-vacation next week with two other couples to Port Aransas. That should be fun to actually get away. We haven't taken a vacation in well over a year, since Kim left teaching and I began saving for my career change. However, I am sure that will easily run $600 for the weekend. Then there is the June 15th estimated tax bill. Since Kim sold a house this past quarter, we have to pay that. That will run about $800. So ... easy come ... easy go .. with the money, but I am still thankful for the thoughtfulness and generosity that has been shown to me.

Oh ... one more thing. Thanks to everyone who has posted comments and keeps encouraging me. Your support is greatly appreciated. I know I have a hard time accepting encouragement and "positivity" at times, but that is something I am definitely starting to focus on and trying to change.

Well, that about does it for this week. I hope everyone has a great week and wish me luck for another productive week!

Reality Bites

2006-06-02T14:41:00.000-07:00

The saying is so true. Today especially.

Here is reality for me:
1. After today, I am down over $1,800. This doesn't even include all the variable costs such as lunches, insurance, user and exchange fees, etc. Those come out to about $1,000/month. So, if you add it all up, I am right at $5,000 in the hole.
2. After 3 months, I should be making improvements, but honestly, I feel like I am no better trader now than what I was 3 months ago.
The last two days have taken a big hit to my morale. The last two days combined, I have lost $250. All of last month, I only lost $430. I am moving backwards, quickly. Even when I tried to mirror good traders in positions the past two days, I seem to pick the ones that are losers. Just my luck, right?
3. I have only had one day where I have been up more than $100. In 60 days of trading, I have lost more than $100/day at least 8 times during that time.
4. Other traders that were in my beginning group are doing well. One trader recently made over $1,200 in one day. I am probably ranked either 4th or last of the 5 traders who started the same time I did. There are even a couple of traders who started after I did that are kicking my ass.
5. Each month I continue to see my savings become depleted all the while my deficit grows at the trading company. A part-time job is becoming more and more inevitable.

I want to remain optimistic, but especially after today, I feel the writing is on the wall. Some people are meant to be traders, and some people aren't. I had a long talk with my coach yesterday after I did poorly, and he assured me I was "right on track" with most traders as they start out. He said I am being too hard on myself and to just relax and keep trying to find something that works. I talked with a bunch of past co-workers yesterday at happy hour and felt positive, motivated, and inspired for today's trading. All of this turned out to be for naught, as I had one of my worst trading days ever. Not only that ... I left at noon. It could have been much worse.

Here are my problems as I see them:
1. I don't have a system. After 3 months, I am still searching for a system that works for me. One that I can confidently and comfortably use day-in and day-out. I understand there is no "holy grail" and I am willing to accept my losses, but honestly, my win percentage was maybe 10% today. Actually I take that back, I do have a system. I have several. However, I am not disciplined enough to follow them during the down times, and there are always down times. I can accept maybe 2 losses in a row before I go searching for different entry criteria. Meanwhile, if I would have kept following the previous system, it would have paid off big on one or more stocks.
2. I am too emotional when I trade. This is due to a lack of a system. I don't know how much to let a stock "wiggle" from my entry point. As a result, I see the negative go into double figures, and I cut it loose. Meanwhile, 10 minutes later, the stock is up 30 or 40 cents, and I got out with a 10 cent loser. It happens at least 3 or 4 times a day. You would figure I would learn by now, but I haven't. I have tried to work on this. I tried to work on this today, and I got a lot of BIG losers that added up quickly. Didn't make me feel good at all. I need to find better entry points so I don't put myself in that situation.
3. I have zero confidence. I am so used to losing, I almost expect it now. Perhaps subconsciously I am only getting into trades that I now I will lose at. Who knows?

I am sure there are other problems, but right now, I will stick to those three. I just don't know what else to do. I have been spending a lot of time in the evenings either reviewing my trades or trying to develop a system on the Amibroker application, but that hasn't got me anywhere. As a result, my personal life has suffered. I haven't gone out as much because I have no desire, and I have completely stopped working out. I feel I have become a crappy husband and father (to our "daughter" Sasha). I have become so consumed with finding a "solution" to my problem, I have honestly forsaken the rest of the world. And it sucks! I have become so concerned with every little expense, I can't stand it. I am worried that my savings are going to run out before I find a "solution". In other words, I am a big mess.

Through all this, I have to admit that I love the job and the challenge it presents everyday. I still have not woken up dreading to go into work. From my post, you would probably think I am stressed out, but in all honesty, I feel less stress now than I did when I was at ?????. The feeling I feel now is more dissappointment in my self or depression. I continuallly let myself down on a daily basis, and that is hard to take. Before, I was frustrated because the stress was related to other people or situations. I could not change that, and to me, there was no hope. At least I feel like I can still change myself (although the last 3 months are starting to make me feel a little different about that statement). Regardless, I think that is another problem I may be having. I am so terrified to fail because I love this job so much, want to be successful at it, and don't want to go back to corporate America. Forget about the money aspect. If I could make half as much as I did at my previous job, but feel the way I feel about this line of work everyday, I would take it.

So, where does all this leave me?
Struggling and fighting to hold on. I am not going to quit. I have to keep pushing through this and find a way to be successful. Brush off the bad days and try again the next. I am at no risk of being "fired" anytime soon, so just try to make the most of my opportunity each and everyday. We'll see where I'm at this time next week.

As a consolation, it was great to see a lot of the old co-workers yesterday for happy hour. It seemed like all of you were much happier and enjoying the new job duties assigned to you. I hope things continue that way. Thanks to Robert for organizing it, and please let me know when the next one happens.

One Step Forward ... Twelve Steps Back

2006-05-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

With the exception of the week my father passed away, this may have been the most difficult week of my life mentally and emotionally.

Just when I thought I was starting to get "it" at work, I turned in my worst performing week since I have been there. I did not have a single positive day, including yesterday, when there were seriously only 5 traders (out of 80) that were negative on the day. I can't help but doubt that I will ever be successful doing this for a living. It seemed that everything I tried went against me as soon as I got into it. There were some trades yesterday I took for 30 and 40 cent losers, and I never do that.
It is true that all traders are going to have rough times and they have to fight through it. I know I need to do it. But there is this little voice in the back of my head saying, "This job was just a bad "trade", cut your loss early, get out of there, and look for something else."

So, where do I go from here? Well, I am not going to quit ... at least not right now. I didn't quit my decent-paying tech job to give up after three months.I am at least going to give this job until the end of September. That would be roughly 6 months of trading with real money. If I am still feeling and performing the way I do, I will have to leave to perserve my psyche. I write all of this and I am so upset with myself. I always called myself a "realist", but if there is one thing I have learned from this job, it is that I am a "pessimist". And you can't be a "pessimist" and a "trader". My natural tendency is to always think something is wrong, so I let my losers run (to prove a point to myself), and cut my winners short (because I don't think my decision will be the right one in the future). It sucks, but I really think subconsciously that is what I am thinking throughout the day. So, change it, right? Yeah ... it is that easy (sarcasm off). In the words of Sammy Chua, author and master trader, "The trade begins and ends in the mind." And right now, I got some funk going on up there.

I come home after work and talk to Kim about my trading day, and she continues to say basically the same thing:
1) What have you tried to do differently if you know something is not working for you?, and
2) What have you done to learn from other people who are successful?
I think those are great questions to ask myself, but unfortunately, I just don't remember them during the trading day. I think I need to slow down a little bit and really start shadowing one or more of the better traders. I have done that a little bit, but definitely not enough. I do think I am thrashing between different entry techniques though, changing too much. As a result, I am not really getting a good feel for any technique. I need to stick with something that works and run it into the ground. Lastly, I am going to start trading maybe 3 or 4 stocks exclusively. I have been thrashing around between different stocks and really don't get a feel for how a particular stock moves. Best example of success doing this is a guy on my team who came in Friday afternoon for 2 hours, traded in and out of one particular stock during that time, and made $1,500. If you know one stock well, that is really all you need.

Unfortunately, my natural response to something when I encounter difficulty is to "log more hours" -- work hard, long, and smart to figure this thing out and be successful. I don't know whether that will really help me in this case, but I do feel that I haven't been doing everything I possibly can to get better when I am away from the trading office. Sure, I have been reading a lot of books and been dinking around with the Amibroker program, but I haven't been doing the one thing that will absolutely help me and that is reviewing my trades. Until I start spending more time learning from my mistakes, I feel I am going to be destined to repeat them. This is definitely gonig to require more time and focus in the evenings, but until I give this a try, I don't feel like I will be doing everything I possibly can to get better.

What this eventually boils down to is, sacrifice. I feel, at least in the short term, I am going to have to sacrifice some "family" time to get my business off the ground. I love the analogy my coach gave me - that I am trying to build my own business there. It is so true. And what do small business owners do ... they work their asses off, until their business gets off the ground. So, if my business is going to have a shot of making it, I got work hard, long, yet smart in the coming weeks. I know I will still need to have a "work/life" balance, but I think for the next 3-4 weeks, the name of the game for me and Kim will be "sacrifice". It kind of sucks that it has come to this, but I think it has to be done. No regrets.

So, the hopes and dreams of a five figure paycheck after 5 months are most likely out the door. I am struggling to survive. But as the saying goes, "the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory." I have to find a way to be successful and hope that one day, even if it is a year or two from now, I will be able to taste that victory.

Wish me luck this next week ....

Week 10 Summary (and 9)

2006-05-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

Yeah .. I know ... you can't go from 8 to 10 without a "9" in there somewhere. So, I am going to include a Week 9 summary in here as well.

The past two weeks have been encouraging ... except for this past Wednesday. I am starting to see the market much better. I am making better decisions about entering and exiting trades. In fact, I have turned a profit 7 out of the last 10 days. Not too bad, except for the trainwreck this past Wednesday.

I probably should have left at noon, but decided to trade the FOMC rate hike announcement that day. Let's just say I won't be doing that again anytime soon. I got in a couple of trades that went against me hard and ended up losing the most I have ever lost in one day ... $180. Actually, it could have been much worse and am thankful I was able to get out when I did.

I think I am actually about even the last two weeks, maybe down a little. I know I looked at my cumulative deficit on Friday and saw that so far, within the past 10 weeks, I am down about $1300 (not including other expenses). So, if I do the math that comes out to losing right around $35/day for the 8 weeks I have been trading with real money. I guess if I look at it that way, things aren't too bad. If I can average making $35/day for the next 2 months, I will be even. But $1300 every 8 weeks is not going to replace the income from my old job.

Regardless, I need to stop worrying about making money, and keep learning. I have been reading a VERY good book called "Trading for a Living" by Alexander Elder. I highly suggest anyone interested in trading to read this book. There are tons of books and reading materials about trading out there, but I have to believe this is absolutely one of the best. Anyway, he talks about the right mindset to have when trading. He says a person cannot get focused on the monetary aspect of trading. This is the same way that any doctor. lawyer, or engineer doesn't ponder how much he/she made the past 10 minutes, 2 hours, etc. It is so true. I believe I will really see the big picture when I quit focusing on my P&L screen, and start judging each trade solely by my entry and exit criteria. However, this is a personal struggle, which no one can ever really teach you, but yourself! It is absolutely amazing how much of a personal challenge this has become.

I am still only trading 100 shares at a time, but really starting to trade more times each day. I think the past couple of days I have traded between 7k and 8k shares (which comes out to 35-40 trades per day). I am a lot happier about this and really not becoming too concerned about my losses. Hopefully, I can continue this.

So, for everyone who is wondering if I am making the big bucks yet, the answer is "Not Even". However, I feel like I am continuing to make progress, albeit a little bit slower than I had hoped. I need to continue to be patient with myself and keep learning. If I had to make a prediction, it will probably be another 3-4 months before I break even, but that all depends on me.

A couple of notable events the past couple of weeks:
1. Our office is now using eSignal. At first, I wasn't too fired up about the additional $100/month charge, but I have really started to like what it offers. Plus, this tool is available to anyone/anywhere so I could even go out on my own one day if that is my primary trading idea platform. Not to mention it ties in great with my backtesting program, Amibroker. I have really been doing a lot of work in the evenings trying to enhance my trading strategies. I think continuing to learn eSignal will be a great skill to have down the road.
2. Thursday was a brutal day for some of the office's best traders. Most of these guys are scalpers who try to take advantage of the NYSE and AMEX specialists and their inefficiencies. On Thursday, it was the other way around. A couple of the guys traded ERS and got slapped around pretty good. In fact, 2 of the traders lost as much as $35K/each in one day. These same traders probably average $6K to $7K profit each day, so this set them back a week or so. But you know what? They took it in stride, came back on Friday, and each made back $10K. Unbelievable.
3. I met with a former colleague of mine to sign some patent paperwork for the old company I used to work for. We had submitted a patent a couple of years ago that is just now being filed. So, what does this mean? Well, since I don't work for the company anymore, I am not entitled to the patent award money. That kind of sucks, as I could definitely use it. However, I will have my name on a patent if it is awarded to us. Oh well, I guess that is what happens in a big corporation. In all honesty, this patent should have been submitted over a year ago, but there was a delay in some of the patent proceedings within the company. Big bummer. Nonetheless, I will see what becomes of all this, and a big "Thank you" to the colleague for helping me out!

Well, that about does it for me this week. As always, I will try to post during the week, but I get so focused on trading plans, etc. that I honestly forget to do it. I can definitely do it on the weekends, though, as long as I don't have a volleyball tournament. I hope everyone is doing well, and I will post again soon!

To be continued ...

2006-05-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

Man ... I really need to blog more. I have said it every post. I just looked and it has been well over a week. And I am going to have to extend it another day or so.

Last week was extremely busy for me. First, it was the last week of volleyball. We had an extra practice and travelled to Houston this past weekend. Also, I have been spending a lot of time in the evenings (to my wife's dismay), learning the ins and outs of the Amibroker software I purchased. It is really a powerful piece of trading/investing software. It has its own scripting language and a great open source community. I think I am actually going to install it on my workstation at the trading place. I have a feeling it is going to help me out more in the long run than a lot of the technology they have available there.

Well, I promise I will be back with more soon. Just hang in there.

Week 8 Summary

2006-04-29T05:54:00.000-07:00

First off, wow .... what a storm last night. It honestly sounded like a tornado was passing over my house at 3am. I had the unfortunate opportunity to experience a tornado in Nebraska when I was younger, and everything I remember about the experience was replayed last night. Pretty scary!

OK ... so after my "downer" of a post last time, I have to say I turned things around a bit this week in terms of trading. This was the first week I ended up net positive since I have been there! Now, mind you, I was only up $80, but I will take small victories where I can get them. Perhaps only having one night of volleyball practice this week had something to do with it ... I don't know. Honestly, I think I am ready for a break from that for a little while.

Anyway, here is a summary of the rest of the days:

Tuesday:
I stuggled. None of the stocks were trending or reverting according to what I thought. I remember trading a lot, but I think I ended up down atound $70.

Wednesday:
I told myself I was going to be more selective in my entries and exits. I did not want to trade as much and only pick the good opportunities. I traded half the number of shares I did on Tuesday, and ended the day positive for about $30. I was pretty happy with that.
Wednesday ended up being a pretty crazy day for the company all in all. It was the second highest grossing day ever and one trader in particular had a phenomenal day. He mainly trades BRK.A shares. If you take a look at this symbol on Yahoo Finance, you will see that the share price is around $85.000/share! Needless to say, this trader had been trying to pick the bottom of BRK.A for weeks. He was in a total of 35 shares. (You do the math as to how much capital was at stake). He had gone down several weeks in a row of several thousand dollars.
However, Wednesday was his payday. If you look at the chart, you see the stock ended making a blast upward. His net profit on the day $55,000! In one day! No doubt, he had to endure some pain to get there, but he got there.

Thusrday:
Apparently, Thursday was the "perfect storm" when it came to the trading group. This ended up being the best day in the company's history, netting nearly half a million dollars in one day! There were probably about 15-20 traders who netted over $10K each! Unbelievable!
For me, it was my best day ever. I was up right around $200. Honestly, it should have been a lot more, but I cut my winners off way too early. I was happy though because my losers were small. One trade in particular "paid" me, so to speak. I sold LEH short at the very high of the day and rode it down for over 2 points!
Today, I saw someone top the net profit from the trader yesterday. One trader in one day netted $75,000! Simply amazing!
Needless to say, after the performance the past two days, the company decided to sponsor a happy hour at Freddie's Place in South Austin. I attended even though I had volleyball practice that night. It was great to go there and get to know other traders. I felt like I fit right in.

Friday:
I think I ended the day down around $30. It wasn't nearly as good a day as the day before. Half the really good traders didn't even make it in. They extended the happy hour into late night activities and were too tired. One of them held an overnight position for a profit of $6,000. He doesn't even show up for work and makes 6 G's. This line of work is totally crazy, but I am glad I have given myself an opportunity to go for it!
One really good/sad story. I decided to trade LEH again today after I made my money in it yesterday. I just like the way it moved and trended. Very similar to my trading style. I sold the stock short again at the very top of the day. Needless to say, this could have been a very good trade. Instead, I got freaked out after the stock went lower 40 cents. I just didn't think it would fall the way it did yesterday, so I got out -- a 40 cent winner. Not bad, but not good either. The stock trended down for the entire day -- 7 points! For me that is a $700 winner versus a $40 winner. Micro-management sucks! Other traders tell me I need to make my orders, place my stops and walk away. They like the way I trade, but say I am too active/anxious once I get in a position. That is something I will work on next week.

This weekend I am going to work with the software program I bought and refine some of my entry and exit strategies. I need to be more mechanical in my trading. I keep saying that, people keep telling me that, but I have sit down, look at old data and train myself to know what a chart looks like at the moment I am having to make my decision.

So, all in all, a good week for me. I am definitely not complaining.

I'm a loser, baby ....

2006-04-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

So, more than a week has gone by since I have posted. I am a total slacker. I am also a total loser. This is pretty much evident in every part of my life right now.

First off, Kim and I coached our volleyball team this weekend up in Dallas. We did not do well at all. This was the second straight tournament where it felt like our team just didn't show up. After the tournament in Atlanta several weeks ago, we decided to add an extra practice each week. So, we did that. But, honestly, I could tell the girls just weren't into it. The extra practices ended up being a waste of time. Sure, they got a little better, but all in all, their performance this weekend was one of underachievement. I have been struggling with staying motivated to finish out the season. It is hard, especially since I am still struggling at work with trading and would like to work in the evenings to get better. Let's just put it this way. I have been coaching top level volleyball teams for over 10 years and this will be the first year where a team I have coached will not qualify for the end-of-year national tournament. This is a huge disappointment and let down.

So, to make me feel better each day, I go trade. I would like to say that I have continued to do well, but such is not the case. Last week, I was down about $230 for the week. I did not have a single positive day. I also only traded 4 days last week since I was gone on Friday for the volleyball tournament. I was hoping things would go better today, and they did. But I was still negative on the day - $7.

So, I wish I could write that things are great ... but they aren't. Don't get me wrong ... I am still thankful everyday that I chose to change from techie to day trader, but losing takes it's toll. I was telling my wife that I go to work and compete everyday, and lose. Then I go coach volleyball on the weekend and evenings, and lose there too. I just don't know if I can "compete" for this amount of time every week. I am going to have to decide whether to coach this summer or take a break. I might just have to do the latter. Something has got to give.

I do have some trading "trigger" ideas in the pipeline at work, so I am looking forward to trying those out. I still use my 2-day high and low trading methods and those seem to work pretty good for me. I have just been making some stupid trading decisions late in the trading day recently and it blows all the profit I make in the morning. I think I just have too much going on, and need to relax a little.

Oh well, I have started to ramble. Sorry again for the delay in posting. I hope everyone is doing well and hopefully, I can post more than once a week.

Week 6 summary - Micro-Management revelations

2006-04-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

I have to say I feel pretty good after trading today. I ended the day positive again. I was only UP $30 or so, but nearly all of my trades were good. With the exception of one or two really bad losers, I should have been up over $100. And if I had kept my short position in AMD from the morning and my long position in GRMN thorugh out the day, I probably would have been up over $300.

Which leads me to my next big challenge:
I feel pretty good now about finding good trading opportunities. That was my biggest struggle for the first 6 weeks. Now, the even harder part, I think, will be managing a winning trade. I honestly don't know how many trades this week I made which I closed as .40 winners only to see them continue on to become 1 to 3 point winners by the end of the day. AAPL, AMLN, AMD, and GRMN to name a few. I tell myself each day, "I am going to hold this one all day". However, when I see the trade go from being a .40 winner, then pulling back to .20 and going back up, I get all excited and say ... "I better get out now, I don't want the thing to move against me again." So, I do. I look back a couple of hours later and I would now be up .80. I have read a lot of articles that say a trader should never do this, but I feel I am exiting the position on emotion rather than rationale.

Which leads me to my next epiphany (actually it isn't an epiphany at all, I learned it at my lost job as well):
Micro-Management sucks!
It doesn't matter whether a person is constantly managing his trading positions or constantly monitoring an employees work, such activity is NEVER efficient. For instance, I become so involved in the price movement of the stock, I don't think objectively anymore. I don't ask myself if there is resistance/support at the particular price levels as I should be. I just see the dollar signs and cash out.

At my previous job, my former (bad) manager was a Micro-Manager. He thought he was doing himself and his employees a service by being hyper-involved in everyone's activities. I can now say that based on my micro-management experience trading stocks, he probably caused himself the same two problems I have when trading:

1. He creates more stress on himself worrying about everything that he is in charge of. If he would just have confidence in the early decisions he makes regarding leadership and assignments, things would probably work themselves out in the long run. Similarly, if I would just have confidence in my early decisions I make in the day and not monitor every tick the stock moves, I would be making a lot more money than what I am now.

2. He probably does not make objective decisions regarding the things he is in charge of. Yeah ... he would like to think he knows more and, because of that, he makes better decisions, but truthfully, the more he emerses himself in the situation, the more emotion he brings to the decisions he makes. Because of that, he continually makes poor decisions and rubs people the wrong way. I can give you my correlations to trading, but I think you can probably figure them out.

There is one thing I can say about my situation which I know he will NEVER do:
1. Unlike me, he will never look back on a situation and wish he had not micro-managed the situation. In fact, he will probably always be thankful for managing that way, saying:
"Whew .... just think what would have happened if I wasn't watching over them like a Hawk."
He may think he made a bad decision, but he will NEVER admit that it was due to his micro-management.

OK ... enough "former manager bashing". I can only control myself and my actions, but it is kind of interesting to be on the other side and see that not only does Micro-management suck for the employee, but it also sucks for the manager (even if the manager doesn't realize it).

I hope everyone has a Happy Easter (for those who celebrate it). No trading for me tomorrow since it is Good Friday. See you next week!

Hello .... Anyone There?

2006-04-12T18:30:00.000-07:00

That's what you are probably asking yourselves by now about my blog.

I apologize. I know ... I need to post more as everyone is dying to know how things are going with me, but quite frankly, I just haven't found the time to do it the past couple of days. I need to make an effort to do it, even if it is small. The problem is I have a limited amount of time on my hands, so in my spare time, I am choosing to read about trading methods or the markets rather than blog. I am going to try and make a change and post something regularly. I said this before, but this time, I mean it! However, don't be disappointed if it is only a little paragraph or two.

OK ... with that out of the way, let me get to my life :-)

On Thursday, after my last post, I actually had a really good day. I didn't trade as much and I was very particular about which trades I entered. I believe I ended UP around $50 at the end of the day. My coach acknowledged that even though I didn't trade much, taking off the day before and observing actually looked like it did me some good.

Unfortunately, I couldn't repeat the performance on Friday. I know I entered a lot more trades and I was careless about entry and exit points. However, my coach seemed to be more pleased with me trading more than actually making money, so maybe I was doing the right thing. I believe I was down $70 or so.

Monday was a nightmare ... in more ways than one. First, I lost about $170 .. that sucked. Second, I couldn't concentrate at all because I had a pounding headache. More on that later.

Yesterday wasn't much better as I lost right around $100. In fact, yesterday was the day that cumulatively put me in the hole 1,000 smackers. Congratulations, David! I was doing careless and reckless trading and was pissed at myself at the end of the day. I was trying to trade reversals and bounces off trendline support and it was not working. However, I kept doing the same thing over and over again. I couldn't stop myself during the day, but when the final bell rang, I reflected and figured out that I was a moron. I made sure I was not going to do it again today.

Today, I finished UP around $40, and did a much better job of controlling my trading emotions. I didn't trade nearly as much which was actually bad for me. A lot of the trades I held back on would have been pretty big winners. Regardless, I figured out today what works for me and I going to finish up the rest of the week trading this way to see if I can be consistent.

So ... what is my revelation you may ask? A fellow trader let me borrow a book of his which I read over the weekend. The name is "The Stock Trader" by Tony Oz. Although this book was written in 2000 when stocks moved 20 points in a day, the principles hold true in today's trading. The whole premise of the book is to spend four weeks trading with the Tony Oz. You follow each one of his trades. He tells you what he is looking at, what he bases his decisions off of, and what his risk/reward ratio is. He doesn't use any fancy indicators, just simple support and resistance ... and it works! That is what I have based my trades on the two days I have been successful. I strayed the other days and recognized my ways.

So ... here I am. A math and numbers guy, thinking I am going to use all these different technical indicators and oscillators because I know how they are derived, and the one trading style that makes me money is the simplest style there is ... chart reading for support and resistance. It is actually quite boring. But exciting when you can end the day in the black.

So ... what is my next step?
I am going to continue trading this style and see how it works for me. I am going to be a little more aggressive with it than I have been the two days I have ended the day positive. It should still work as long as I do not become too impulsive.
Meanwhile, I ended up purchasing the $150 piece of software and am going to work on building a system that can also help me throughout the day. This will be fun as I can come home in the evenings and do some programming. (I actually kind of miss the software side of things .... not the bureaucracy ... just the technology). I found a deal with a market data company that will supply me with 120 days (1-minute) backfill worth of stock data for $30/month. This is to substitute for the $10/month deal I had with my broker. I don't have to pay any expensive exchange fees because I am not getting real time data .. that is the trick. And as far as I know ... this is the only data service that can let me do it. So that seems to be working itself out.

All in all, I have to say I am making some progress. That may all fly out the door with another losing day tomorrow, but I feel good right now. The one bad thing is I have had terrible headaches everyday this week. I think it comes from staring at a flashing computer screen all day. Not only that, the lights are real dim where the traders are, except where I am sitting. There is a pretty strong fluorescent light above me and to my left. I have been noticing my headaches are just behind my left eyeball .... and they hurt. So ... I have dimness/darkness on my right and a bright light on my left. I am going to start wearing a cap to work and see if that helps shield some of the light. Of course, this will only add to my accelerated loss of hair, but if it saves my eyesight and spares me from headaches, I just might have to do that. I am also looking into changing where I am sitting. Maybe that will help me as well.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well. I also hope this entry tides you over until the next one. A big "Thanks" to all of you who leave comments. You are my motivation to continue documenting this journey. Hopefully, there will be more positive entries to come!

Pain and Confusion

2006-04-05T18:12:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have been waiting for a long post .. you are about to get one. I finally have some time this evening to share what has been going on with my trading job. Of course, I will have to quit when American Idol starts, but I will see how far I can get.

First off, this is the most mentally challenging job I have ever experienced. I can't believe the frustration that takes place when I make losing trade after losing trade. Tuesday was especially rough for me. My winning percentage was a miserable 9%!! Yep ... you read it right. 9%!! That means if I had picked the other direction to trade the stock, I would have won over 9 out of 10 times. My performance is absolutely pathetic. In total, I was down $190 on Tuesday. For some reason I kept envisioning the scene in Rocky III, where the ring announcer was interviewing Mr. T. The announcer says, " Clubber, what is you prediction for the fight?". He looks straight into the camera snarls his lips and says ... "Pain". I just imagine someone playing the role of the stock market and saying the same thing when asked "Mr. Market, what is your prediction for David's performance today?" One word .... pain.

Needless to say, I tried not to get rattled, but Tuesday's performance combined with a 31% win percentage performance on Monday really had me a little gun shy this morning to start off with.

However, I told myself I had to work my way through it, so I placed my first trade. Literally, no sooner did I place it than the position jumped against me by a dime. Two seconds and I was already down ten bucks. (I am still onlly trading 100 share blocks .. thank goodness). I immediately got out. If I held the trade until the end of the day, I would have made $90. It spiked against me, I freaked out and closed the position. It is true when they say that trading is mostly mental. I didn't trust myself largely due to the poor performance from the past couple of days.

The next trade .. the exact same thing happened. No kidding. By now, I was so upset and frustrated with myself I couldn't stand it. I looked for another trade and told myself I was going to do the exact opposite of what I thought I should do. About 10 minutes later I found one. I placed the trade, and you guessed it .... it went against me too. By now, I was hearing Mr. T say "Pain" .. so I stopped for the rest of the day and watched the market. I looked at several different tickers/triggers for trading opportunities. I took lots of notes in a spiral notebook which I am going to review tonight. I really studied what was going on, and I feel like I can do much better tomorrow.

I felt good about making this decision, but my coach was not happy. I only traded 600 shares today and he proceeded to tell me that I must trade more and figure out what works and what doesn't. I understand where he is coming from. He mentioned the person who was there before me (but has since quit) had a similar analytical background as mine and she overanalyzed everything. I told him I was aware that this might pose a problem for me, but proceeded to tell him exactly what I thought. I told him I wasn't learning anything about trading because I have not been able to learn from my mistakes. I keep doing the same thing over and over again. You would think that it is simple to stop, but it isn't. I need to be able to spend time after the day to review my trades and I haven't had the time to do this. I told him I was taking notes today and reviewing it this evening to see if there was something that could help me from making the wrong decision. He really didn't buy my line of reasoning. He feels the only way to get better is to get in there and trade and work your way out of it. I respect that, but if I am beating myself up when I do that, I need to do something that makes me feel good about my progress, and that is what I did today.

I want to draw an analogy to volleyball coaching with this situation. When I am teaching a player to pass (bump) the ball correctly, I don't just tell them "Pass into the basket." I give them constructive and technical feedback as to how they achieve this goal better. I understand that as a player you have to teach yourself what feels good and what doesn't and make yourself better for the most part .. the coach can't do that for you. The one way you get better is by repitition ... there is no doubt. But I have also noticed when I was playing there were times when less was actually more. Going to watch a volleyball match or visualizing what to do, helped me more than actually practicing. I would like to think that is what I was doing today. Perhaps I should have shared this analogy with my coach .. I wasn't that quick on my feet. But I will be sure to remember next time (if I am able to improve my performance tomorrow).

Regardless, I am little disappointed my coach didn't really offer me any type of technical feedback of what I could improve on. He simply said I needed to trade more and left for the day. I suppose this is like me saying to my volleyball players, "OK ... keep passing into the basket. Oops .. that one didn't go in ... keep trying." I don't think I would ever say that. I would try to help them fix it. Maybe I should have asked him to review my trades with me at the end of the day ... I don't know ... he seemed in a hurry to get out of there. Plus .. the last 2 days combined ... he is down over $6000. I am not sure if now is the right time to be asking him for advice. Don't get me wrong ... he is a nice guy ... but I don't know if he will ultimately help me become a better trader. I think that is something I am going to have to do all on my own. And I felt like I took steps toward that today.

So .. my plan for tomorrow and the coming days:
1. Review the news in the mornings and write down stocks I think should be active during the day. I actually did that this morning but didn't act on any of my "predictions." And ... who would have guessed .. they would have paid off big. I wanted to buy "Casinos" and short "Restaurants". Coulda, woulda, shoulda .... there is always tomorrow.
2. After each trade I make, I am going to keep a journal and give the reasons for getting in and out of each trade.
3. I am going to review the journal each night and see if I can see what went well and what didn't.
4. I am going to read for at least 1 hour each night to learn new trading strategies and mental techniques to stay sharp, focused, and positive.

So ... there you have it ... my new roadmap. I am tired of hearing about how being analytical is going to hurt me. Screw it! I am just going to work harder than I ever have in my life and prove to my coach and everyone else that I can be successful. It is not about analytics but hard work and effort. I am going to do it!

Maybe tomorrow

2006-04-04T04:56:00.000-07:00

I know .. I haven't posted in a while.

My main excuse is that I was in Atlanta from Thursday through Sunday. I got back at 11:30pm Sunday night. By the time we picked up our dog and unpacked, it was almost 2am before I got to sleep. We were in Atlanta for a volleyball tournament. Two things:
1. The team we coached played horrendously, and
2. I don't like Atlanta
I am glad to be home.

Yesterday was brutal trading again. I was down $150 for the day. It is simply amazing how many wrong decisions one person can make. Within my first four trades I was down $70 ... in a matter of minutes. I think it might have to do something with sleep because I was really tired. I need to make sure I get enough sleep each night. I remember last Sunday when I couldn't sleep, I did really bad on that Monday trading. Hmmm .... maybe it's just Mondays. I am going to try to pay more attention to volume and sector strength today as I completely ignored them yesterday.

Anyway, I will try and post more later this evening. I need to get ready to go to work.

Tuition costs

2006-03-29T20:17:00.000-08:00

Well, I paid some more towards my tuition today. $50 to be exact. Losing is getting kind of old, but as I was talking late this afternoon to the guy who sits next to me, he said "get used to it." He has been there since October. He said he didn't have a clue for his first two months. He started doing better his third month. I know he has had a couple of $1000 days while I have been there, but today he finished down the same as me ... $50. I don't know if he has become profitable yet or if he is still paying back for months of fees, etc. He seems to be well on his way though, so I am going to try to keep learning from him.

I got to try out my new ticker today. My very first trade with it, I made $90. I thought ... Wow, this is going to be easy. Every trade from it after that was a loser. I think I am on to something but I need to refine my entry criteria. The only way I can do that is to come home in the evenings and run back tests on the day's data and modify the parameters. However, in order to do this, I need the market data, and I ran into a bit of a roadblock with that today.

One thing I am really bummed out about is the fact that I am now considered a "Professional" by brokerages I have accounts with. Let me tell you ... this sucks! What this means is I now have to pay professional fees for market data if I want to do any back testing or personal trading on my own time. What is the cost difference you might ask?
Non-Professional: $10/month
Professional: $200/month
So, I closed my account with one broker this evening. I may have to do the same with another one tomorrow. I have to say this is the first real negative of the whole job switch. I wish someone would have mentioned this before hand ... one of those hidden little details.

I don't know what I am going to do yet, but I am not paying $200/month for the same data I was getting for $10/month. A bunch of crap if you ask me. Now if I was making money regularly, I could see it, but I am starving here .... cut me some slack. Stupid SEC rules!

Travelling to Atlanta for volleyball tomorrow and Friday, so I will be taking a break from trading, but not from reading. I am still going to be reading, researching, and learning as much as I can while on the trip. I hope everyone has a great weekend and I will be back on Monday to begin Week #5. Man ... time is flying!

The Dog or the Hydrant?

2006-03-28T19:07:00.000-08:00

Monday, I was definitely the hydrant.

A quick recap of events starting Sunday evening:
5:00pm - Start Volleyball practice
6:00pm - Team struggles to finish a drill due to lack of focus
6:30pm - Team is starting to frustrate me
6:35pm - Team starts running horses
6:50pm - Best player arguably on team goes down with a knee injury. Could be lost for the year. We travel to Atlanta to play in very important tournament this weekend. Bad!
7:30pm - Arrive back home. Wife leaves to go watch Grey's Anatomy over at friend's house.
8:00pm - Start to read book "Mechanical Trading Systems" (very good book by the way)
10:00pm - Become very tired and fall asleep
11:50pm - Hear phone beep. Message from wife. She will be home later. Bad!
12:30am - Decide to read again because I can't fall back asleep.
1:30am - Fall asleep
1:50am - Wife returns home and wakes me up.
2:30am - Get up to watch TV because can't fall asleep.
3:00am - Get on computer to read about the market. Take a Tylenol PM to knock me out.
3:30am - Still not tired. But upset and depressed I can't fall asleep
3:45am - Go to Gold's Gym and run on eliptical machine for 45 minutes
4:45am - return home still not tired (even from the Tylenol PM)
5:00am - wake wife up and make her talk to me for the next hour and a half
6:30am - Get ready for work
7:15am - Leave for work and just now starting to feel the effects from the Tylenol PM.
8:00am - Get to work and want to lay down and go to sleep. I force myself to stay awake and at least try to trade for the morning.
9:30am - Markets have been open for an hour and I have zero winning trades. I am down $75. I want to go back home and sleep, but hang around for lunch. It's Jason's Deli.
11:30am - Eat lunch
12:30pm - Leave for the day after making two more non-winning trades. Down a total of $90.
1:15pm - Come home and go to sleep

I don't know what it was about not being able to fall asleep, but it sucked! I know I was concerned about the girl on the volleyball team. I was hoping she was OK. I was excited about work, but something else was keeping me up. I have no idea what it was, but it had to have been something in my sub-conscience. Anyway, I felt like the "hydrant" all day long and couldn't wait to come home and actually sleep.

Needless to say, I got plenty of sleep last night, and had a good day of trading today. I traded nearly 5000 shares and was only down $20. I would have been up had I not been stupid and tried to make some trades after the FOMC announcement this afternoon. Stupid. I got killed. Was up $40 before that.

Good news. My trigger was finally built, so tomorrow I will see just how good my observations are. This trigger will point out stocks that fit my technical criteria for trading. I think this will either help me tremendously or send me back to the drawing boards. I will let you know tomorrow.

Week 3 summary

2006-03-25T06:38:00.000-08:00

I know ... I never got back to posting the other day. (Geez, I can't even remember what day it was when I posted last). Let me just sum up the last three days in general.

On Wednesday, I ended the day up about $20 or so.
On Thursday, I ended the day down around $30.
On Friday, I ended the day up $30.

Each day I am starting to trade a little more which is good. My coach said it wasn't too bad either that I ended two days this week up a little. However, I am never suppose to be looking at my trading results. I need to keep looking at the charts and make sure I am entering and exiting at good points and then, whatever happens, I should be satisfied. I think I am doing that for the most part. However, I am getting "jabbed" out of certain postions at times because the stock either breaks resistance or support, so I have to exit.

So, after 3 weeks on my new job, here are a couple of random things I am noticing:
1. I am, overall, a much happier person. It really is a challenge trying to figure the market out, but I love it, and I think I am getting a little bit better at it every day. I come home, and I am not upset with other people. I only have myself to depend on, but everyone there is really helpful and they want to see others succeed. The environment, although stressful, breeds comraderie and pride, and I like that!

2. I am spending a lot more money on gas. The round trip is twice the distance it was to my previous workplace. I knew this, but really didn't want to come to terms with it I suppose. I hope gas doesn't go to $3/gallon this summer, but just in case, I am hedging myself by purchasing the equivalent of 6 months worth of gas in oil and refinery stocks. Either way, I will be paying the same price for gas or less come six months from now.

3. I haven't been able to work out regularly and my body doesn't like it. My normal workout time for the past 5 years had been 5:45am to 7am. Since I am now having to leave for work every morning by 7:20, this workout time simply doesn't work anymore. I tried to go at 5am, but by early afternoon, I was dead. I suppose I can continue to try this, but I would need to go to bed between 9 and 10pm every night, and I don't know if I can do that. Let's see ... waking up at 5am ... going to sleep at 9pm ... next thing you know, I will be eating dinner at 4pm. (Actually, I have already done this.) Might as well skip the next 30 years and go straight to Sunrise Senior Living right now :-). Anyway, I have been waking up with back and neck aches consistentlly since I have stopped working out regularly. I am sure this is a function of both not working out and sitting in front of a computer monitor all day hunched over. I get up for occasional breaks, but in all honesty, this type of "sitting in front of a computer" and the type I did at my old job are completely different. Regardless, I need to get back into some routine or else physically, I won't make it.

4. I am constantly thinking about trading strategies. I wake up, and I picture trading setups with candlestick charts. I picture correlations between different indicators and oscillators. I am constantly looking for a solution or stategy I am comfortable with. I have been reading a lot of different books about trading, and would rather spend my time doing that than pretty much anything else. This is defintely characteristic of my OCD behavior, but I just feel like I will be wasting my time trading until I find something. My coach definitely agreed with me. He said it took him longer than normal to become profitable because he didn't stick with a strategy. He also mentioned that is another reason why people fail as traders. They try many different things, but never give any of them enough time and attention to really be successful. This weekend, I am going to purchase a piece of software which will help me formulate a system I am comfortable with. The software is $150, a price I really can't afford right now, but I figure if it will help me become more comfortable and profitable quicker, it will be well worth the money spent. In all honesty, I am really working much harder at becoming a good trader than I did at my previous job for the last couple of years. That is sad, but when I only have myself to rely on, I will never give "lack of effort" as an excuse.

5. The profit potential is truly off the charts. This past week, the top trader in the firm netted (that is, took home) $28,000. In one week! Multiply that by 52 ... heck just 26, and that is what is possible. If I could ever reach 1/5 of that I would consider myself blessed. I definitely have a long way to go before that though. This job is everything that I have been looking for, now it is up to me to execute.

I hope this gives everyone a little idea of what my new life is like. Stay tuned as the weeks progress to see what happens next!

Still Learnin'

2006-03-22T14:05:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted the last couple of days. I know ... I am slacking. Truth is, I have been spending my time reading and relaxing in the evenings. Let me do a quick recap of the past 3 days though.

Monday: This was the last day I spent with my instructor and my performance was horrible yet again. I did not have a single winner and extended my losing streak to 17 straight trades! 17 in a row! A monkey could have done better than me. I was pretty devastated and was really second guessing myself. I knew the streak wouldn't last forever, but I didn't really know what I was doing wrong. I reviewed my trades and realized I was just trading to trade and that is never going to be good. But, they keep saying to trade at least 50 times during the day (25 entries/25 exits), so I don't know what to do.

Tuesday: This was my first day out on the trading floor with all the other traders. Up until this point, I had been with all the other rookies in the training room. I was now with the big boys, and it was an eye opener! I could not believe how fast the experienced traders were. It was 5 minutes into the opening and my coach was already in 10 positions! Still shocked from my losing streak, I think I entered my first trade about an hour and a half after the opening - when things had slowed down a bit. I think I lost 2 or 3 times more to extend my streak. My coach encouraged me to trade more at noon, but I was still cautious. I was down $40 or so at that time. Still cautious, I only made two trades that afternoon but both were winners for a total of $140! Again, ironically, one of the two stocks was the former company I had worked for. I guess it is still being good to me even in my absence. Ironically, too, I made the money on a short sale of the stock. (For those of you who don't know, that means I was betting on the stock going down :-). Anyway, I left yesterday with a gain of over $100, so I was happy.

Wednesday: I will have to talk about today in another post as I have to run an errand.

Be back soon!

Week 2 summary

2006-03-17T23:18:00.000-08:00

Once again, I have been slacking off from posting here. Now, here it is 12:30am on Saturday morning, and I can't seem to sleep, so I figured I would make some good use of my time.

The past two days of trading have kinda, well ... sucked. I was down about $50 net yesterday. That wasn't so bad, but I only traded 4 or 5 times and got in on the wrong side of nearly all the trades. Today was even worse. I got in a total of 8 trades and every single one of them was a loser. I ended up net down $100. You would think that the law of averages would have me at 50% winning, but that is not the case. Far from it! I keep being reminded that this is part of the normal learning process. "Tuition" as my instructor calls it. Well, I call it crap!

Here's the deal, though. Shortly after lunch today, I decided to give up on trading for the rest of the day and observe the market. I wanted to look at a bunch of charts and study some technical indicators and see if I could begin to derive any correlations. My instructor was telling me I needed to be trading more, but I continue to feel like a chicken with it's head cut off. I don't really have a method for farming trades, I have no trading system, and it is driving me nuts! I wanted to spend some time researching something I could use to gain an advantage. And I think I found something!!!!

One of the cool things about working for this company is they have a full time IT staff on site that help with not only software development, support, etc., but on building something they call "tickers". Tickers will show a trader stocks that meet his or her specific entry/exit criteria for a particular trade. Currently, the company has over 600 public tickers to help traders farm trades. They also have 200 private tickers that individual traders have developed with the IT staff, but have not made available to all other traders. While examining many charts for the past couple of days, I think I have come up with a very simple ticker that will help me tremendously. In fact, from my best guess, it looked like it was about 70% successful on the charts I saw. I am anxious to get back to work on Monday and work with the guy who codes the tickers (he was out today). I will definitely update the blog with further developments regarding this.

Honestly, I have always thought my analytical skills have been my strong suit. I like to solve problems by looking at all possible resources to solve the problem, and then methodically derive something that is going to be the best. I realize with the trading profession this may take a long time, but I really and truly believe that I can come up with some type of system that can give me an advantage. I am sure that a lot of people smarter than myself have tried this and failed, so I will have to work hard and, by all means, never give up! Regardless, knowing that I have some type of system in place that I have back tested even minimally will help give me more confidence than shooting in the dark. If not, well, I guess i can always go back to my plan from several days ago .... always do the opposite thing of what I initially want to do! That would have made me some good money today.

Actually, two positive things from the past couple of days:
1. My money management is very good. I don't let trades get out of hand and I hold true to my stops. I have yet to let a trade go past my stop point. I am very disciplined in that regard and feel that I will be 99 times out of 100. Everyone says this is a very necessary quality.
2. Every single one of my trades would have been a winner today had I let them ride until the end of the day. I am becoming more and more assured that I need to be a position trader and not worry about the ups and downs of the intraday market. Although with my new "ticker" system, I think I will have a greater chance of being successful with some of the intraday swings.

So, that was basically it. I still love the job. I like the people who are there. I like the type of work. I love the challenge that is in front of me. And ... quite frankly ... that is one of the reasons I can't go to sleep... my mind is too busy searching for solutions. My instructor warned me about this :-). Tylenol PM may come to be my friend in the coming months. Let's hope not.

Show me the money!! (not quite)

2006-03-15T14:56:00.000-08:00

Today was the first day I got to trade live with real money. I was a little disappointed in myself. I didn't trade as much as I should have. I noticed at least a half dozen trade opportunities I should have entered but I second-guessed myself. As far as I can remember about 5 out of the 6 would have worked out positively for me. I need to lose the fear and remember that this isn't my money and this is part of my tuition, so to speak.

Also, I need to figure out a better system to trade. If I had stuck with the position trading, I would have made a killing. However, I was in front of the computer all day long monitoring every single tick, so I got shaken out of a few trades that really would have been profitable in the longer term. I need to figure out a way to trust my intuition more. I am going to spend tonight trying to refine my entry and exit signals a little better. I will try and hold to these signals and see how I do. Discipline. Today I felt like I was shooting in the dark half of the time.

I think the most ironical thing about today was the stock that made me the most money ... the stock of the company I used to work for. I traded the stock 4 times today and each time was a winner. I don't know if it was beginner's luck or God's way of telling me something, but whatever it is ... I'll take it!

For those of you wondering, I ended up the day down $15. Not too bad since I actually profited around $400 and lost $415. Honestly, I would have gladly taken more losses if I had just traded more. At this point, trading = learning.

Back to the drawing board

2006-03-13T18:27:00.000-08:00

I know .. I know ... where is the rest of my story? It will have to wait. I don't have the ambition to finish it, but one of these days I will get around to it. I promise. Until then, you will just have to hear about another day at my new job.

Actually, it was a little boring today. The instructor for our group is out of town, so we were kind of left on our own. A few people came in to talk to us about commissions, software architecture, and other things. They were pretty boring. We mainly got to spend a lot of time trading today (still our fake account).

I had my shirt taken from me in the morning. I try to use technical analysis on 3 minute charts and I am getting slaughtered. I was down about $200 within the first 30 minutes of trading. Thank goodness this is still trading on a fake account. I think tomorrow I am going to try two things. One, I am going to change the 3 minute charts to 1 minute charts and see if I can do any better. Things just happen so fast at the open, I can't keep up. I am like a deer in the headlights. I know I will get better with that over time. The other thing I am thinking about is just making the exact opposite play as what my intuition is telling me. Obviously, if I am losing that much that fast, I am doing something seriously wrong. So whenever I think I should buy, I should just try the exact opposite approach. That is going to take some mind training to do, but I will see if I can do it. Actually, I should only try one of the two approaches tomorrow and see if that works rather than trying two different things and having the combination still not work.

I talked a little more with my coach. He had a very good trading day today. He was up over $5K at the end of the day. That is great because I know he was net negative all of last week. This whole trading thing is kind of crazy -the fact that you can ride a rollercoaster like that. It will probably shave years off my life, but I once again, I am willing to see if, in fact, I may experience less stress than my previous job. I have said this all along ... at least I am in control. I pull the trigger for the buy or the sell and I only have myself to blame for failure. Meanwhile I have a lot of traders there to teach me and give me guidance. This is a lot different than having to report the same status to 4 different people (as mentioned in a friend's/former co-worker's blog). I truly feel like even though I am not successful at trading now, I am learning things that will help me and make me better, and that is something I have not felt on a regular basis for a long time. I love it.

Oh, by the way, in afternoon trading, I gained back $150 fake dollars to only be down $50 net on the day. Not too bad I suppose. Now if only I can get the 10 o'clock bulls figured out.

Summary: Week 1

2006-03-12T04:46:00.000-08:00

It has been a few days since my last post. I apologize. I have been a little busy and then I chose to relax yesterday and watch some basketball. By the way, next weekend is one of my favorite times of the year ... March Madness. In years passed, I loved taking some time off on Thursday and Friday, going to a sports bar that has all 4 regional feeds for the NCAA tournament, and soaking it all in. I don't think I will be able to do it this year, but something tells me there are going to be a few TVs turned on the trading floor turned to CBS during the day.

So ... what happened the rest of the week? On Thursday, we got to trade live (w/ a fake account) and try out some of the scalping techniques that were taught to us during the week. Needless to say, I was awful. I guess that is why they say to give yourself 6 to 9 months. Within the span of an hour or so, trading 100 share lots and no more, I was down an imaginary $400 bucks. That is not very good at all. I guess that is why they start everyone off at the beginning trading no more than 100 shares at a time with very limited capital. Of course you can't make big money only trading 100 shares at a time, but it is all about staying in the game. More money = more power = more potential for damage. If you dig yourself a big hole from the start, psychologically you are doomed.

I have been studying Technical Analysis for some time, so in the afternoon, I asked the instructor if I could trade "my way". I wanted to hold each trade for longer than the scalping techniques were requiring. I wanted to see if I could read the charts and pick proper entry and exit points. The instructor chuckled at me and said "OK". In the afternoon, I was up $300 bucks and didn't pick a single loser: 6 for 6. I realized at that point, my trading style, at least in the beginning, should be more position trading than scalping. I just felt more comfortable with it. Each position I got in had a drawdown of $30, but I felt comfortable with it, and each one came back and did really well by the end of the day. I definitely need to learn scalping, but I think I am going to practice it during the "down" time from position trading.

As a result of Thursday afternoon, management decided to change who my coach was going to be. They switched me from someone who is primarily a scalper to someone who is primarily a position trader. I was able to talk with him and really felt like I was able to connect. We had quite a bit in common, so hopefully this will help pay off as well. The guy is definitely not the top trader in the firm, but he makes a very nice living, and when he described his trading techniques to me, I just felt comfortable. He did mention that he expects me to trade at least 5000 shares a day in the beginning, so I am going to have to trade a little bit shorter term than what I am used to. Regardless, this is all part of the learning experience and this will be a very exciting next few months.

On Friday, we didn't really get to trade at all. We studied for and then took a test. Yes .. another test! This one required us to describe the different scalping techniques as well as most of the functions of the software. We also had to memorize the different stock sectors and at least 5 stock symbols in each sector. I didn't study enough during the week for the test, so I bombed it. We have to make 100% on it before they fund our account with real money, so several of us are having to retake it again next week. The only person who made a 100% was one of the firm's former software engineers who is switching over from programming to trading. He has been around this stuff for 4 years and already knows it all. The rest of us .. we just didn't have a chance unless we went home and studied for 4 hours each evening. I didn't have time to do that. I think they give this test on purpose to get you used to earlier failure.

One of the very interesting sub-plots of my whole story involves another new trader in my "orientation" class. He is actually a former floor trader from the Chicago Board of Options Exchange. The guy is an absolute wizard at options and options strategies. On Friday afternoon, he began to describe to me the "real" thinking about how options are used as an investing strategy. He described to me the Black-Scholes and Cox-Ross-Rubenstein models of option pricing. He also talked to me about Delta and Volatility and what an option actually represents in relation to these two variables. It was like I was at an Options training class where I was the only student. I was asking a bunch of questions and really learning about ... well .. everything I had wanted to know about with options. The more we began talking the more he actually wanted to enlist my help. He doesn't know much about higher mathematics or computer programming, but he knows how things work in the options market. He knows there are relationships between the price of options, the price of the underlying stock and certain economic conditions, but doesn't have a good idea about how to represent it in terms of building a trading system. He asked me if I was interested, in my spare time, working with him to build a lot of his ideas in a trading system. Something that is black box - does all the buying and selling automatically. I actually told him that is what I have been dying to do the past several years - combine my math expertise with my computer skills and my interest in the markets to try to come up with something exactly as he has described. He was excited and said we were in business, so hopefully next week in the evenings we can get together and I can learn more.

All in all, this was a good week. I didn't make a dime, but I had a lot of fun and the potential for more is definitely there. I feel like one way or another a lot of my strengths are finally going to be put to good use, and that is exciting for me. The main person I am going to have to compete with and control is myself, and I am ready for the challenge.

Day three ...

2006-03-08T16:11:00.000-08:00

More learning today, but there were a few exciting events.

First off, I think I almost got let go today. Yep ... three days on the job ... and adios! Actually, it was a misunderstanding. I was talking with the instructor on Monday and told him I met a person that had worked at the trading company, but was no longer there. This person now works for a competing day trading firm in the same city. Well, somehow, this got back to the CEO that this person I met once was a personal friend of mine that referred me to the company I am working for in order to get my training. Then, once I was successfully trained, I would jump ship and go to the company he works for.

I understand the paranoia, and I can also appreciate the fact they talked to me right away rather than assuming something and not saying a thing. After all, they are footing my "education bill" so to speak and are not only making a financial investment in me, but a huge time commitment as well. Truth is, I have no ties to the guy at all. He is a friend of one of my wife's friends. I merely answered a question from my instructor: "Do you know anyone that works here at XYZ trading company?" I said: "No, but I met someone who used to." All of a sudden now, me and this guy are best buds. I think the deal is this: the competing company does not really have a training regiment for new traders. The company I am working for has taken great pride in developing new traders. The competing company lures the successful traders away from my company with cheaper commissions and higher percentages of profits. Bad blood has developed. Regardless, I am little miffed at my instructor for not asking me to clarify my relationship with that person before he brought it forward. This situation could have been avoided. But, I'm the new guy, and honestly, I respect the way they handled the situation. It seems like I haven't been getting upset as easily lately either, and that is a good thing.

Second thing. although I did not make a dime today (as I am still in training), today was the firm's most profitable day of the year. As a reward, management bought several cases of beer and bottles of liquor for everyone to enjoy after the markets closed for the day. On average, each trader netted $3K today after commissions. Of course, the newbies don't make nearly as much, but there may be hope for me after all with this profession :-).

For those of you waiting for the "rest of the story", I am going to try and blog that this weekend. I haven't forgotten, but there are some other things I am having to read through and do for work in the evenings. Oh ... and there is also American Idol ... I'm addicted.

Day two ...

2006-03-07T18:07:00.000-08:00

Again .. nothing too exciting.

I learned about a few of the different strategies the trading company teaches in order to make money. In the coming days, I am going to have to decide whether I want to trade as a scalper or as a position trader.

A scalper is someone who is in a trade any where from 15 seconds to 15 minutes. They are able to discover imbalances and capitalize on them in the short term. From hearing the instructor speak about this, the majority of the traders at the company are scalpers. There is relatively little risk involved and you can do it all day long. Get in ... get out ... get in ... get out. For those people who are very risk averse, this is the type of trading they perform. It is mainly speed in pattern recognition and execution of the trade.

A position trader is one who looks at intraday technical charts, looks for support and resistance on the charts, and trades accordingly. A position trader will have anywhere from 30 to 70 open positions at a time and will have to stomach through some very difficult situation when a trade goes against him/her. A postion trader always has to allow for a little wiggle room, so there is a lot more subjectivity in decisions than with a scalper.

Honestly, I haven't decided yet which way I am leaning. I think I would enjoy the position trading more, but initially, I think I would be more successful as a scalper. Regardless, I will have time to try both "styles" out and see which will work the best for me.

I got to paper trade using the software and a fake account the last hour today as well. I ended up down about $60, but two of those trades I pressed the wrong button and shorted the stock instead of buying long (or vice versa). Doh! I held onto both of them just to see what would have happened. Both went against me pretty hard right from the start. All in all, it was pretty fun and it was great to learn the software by using it. I made sure I used as many of the different features of the software as they taught the past two days in class, as well. I still have a loooong ways to go! Like the instructor says, it is like being told to fly a 747 with barely any training. I definitely feel that way at times, and time is the only thing that can help with that.

The First Day

2006-03-06T16:53:00.000-08:00

So ... I bet you all are wondering how the first day went.

All in all, pretty uneventful. Today was mainly spent learning the trading platform software and going through a bunch of logistical paperwork. Don't get me wrong I learned a lot, just nothing very interesting.

I learned that I am going to be spending at least twice as much in gas since the drive to the trading company is twice the distance as the technology company from my house.

I learned that the new target time for profitability is 9 months to 1 year as opposed to 6 to 9 months as I previously thought. Whatever the timeframe, I am just going to have to suck it up and find a way to be successful. I was told today, this job is the best job possible a person could have, if you can weather the storm of the learning curve.

The other thing they stressed today was getting a second job while you are going through the learning curve. Right now, I have savings which I was planning on using, but I am now seriously considering getting a second job in the evenings, so I don't feel like I am completely blowing through my savings. I also have tons of childhood collectibles which I am planning on auctioning off on eBay to help supplement. They aren't doing anything but taking up space and collecting dust. (BTW, has anyone checked out the software iSale for the Mac. Pretty cool stuff.) Whatever, I can do to be successful, I have to do it. So ... if anyone knows of a cool evening job ... I am all ears.

Lastly, I was asked several times today, why do you want to trade? Don't you know the failure statistics? Are you doing it to get rich? My answer is I am trying to find something that I will enjoy that allows me to control my own future. If I had one knock about the technology company and Corporate America it would be that my life, my career, was completely in the hands of another person. I could be a complete hero at work, but if my manager didn't think so, I was doomed. The reverse is also true. I could be a slacker, but if the boss liked me, I was golden. At least with this new job, there is a clear definition of success and failure on a daily basis, and I am in complete control. If I don't perfrom how I want, I have one person to look at ... ME! I have to make a change and take care of business ... and honestly, I am looking forward to the challenge.

It seems like I have been bashing my old employer so far in this blog, but that is not the case at all. I had several great managers there who really encouraged me to be a leader and make the most of myself. I will be forever thankful of their influence on me. It was extremely unfortunate that I did not spend more time with them as I am sure they would have led me to bigger and better things within the company. But things are what they are ... and like my former colleague said, "Don't look back." I will say this, though. Last week, my very last manager left me with an interesting quote she recalled from some of her management training. She said, "People JOIN companies, but they LEAVE managers." How true. I can't say I would have left had I not been "under the influence" of the manager I have spoken about in recent posts. Which reminds me, I still need to finish my story ... sigh ... maybe tomorrow.

OK ... so I have to admit ... one of the other reasons I left to pursue this new career was the possiblilty of increased income. I won't lie. But honestly, it was not my primary reason for leaving. My theory of chasing riches is the same one I have of finding a girlfriend or wife: the harder you look for it/one, the less likely you are to actually find one/it. So, here I am, about ready to have to work hard, have some fun, learn a lot about myself and my life, and I can't wait to go back tomorrow. Yippee!

The Last Straw

2006-03-05T18:57:00.000-08:00

After passing the Series 7, I swung by the trading company and picked up the study material for the Series 55 and Series 63. While there, I was warned about how difficult and tricky the Series 55 was. The company had new traders who had recently passed the exam give me advice and study pointers. This one was going to be difficult! Only 100 question and 4 hours, but the amount of material covered was going to be insane. More studying ... and more patience from my wife as I buried myself in the study material for the next 3 weeks. Next test date - January 28th.

Meanwhile, back at the technology company, an interesting turn of events was taking place. The week I passed the Series 7, an email was distributed to all employees in my division. This email was announcing referral bonuses to any employee who referred someone outside of the company that eventually was hired for a "hot job" within the company. There were 4 hot jobs listed in the email, and when I saw two of them, I was shocked!!

I believe I forgot to mention a meeting I initiated with my (bad) manager shortly after the reorganization was announced (late November, early December). In fact, I had this meeting right around the time I was deciding to accept the position with the trading company. I wanted to see how the (bad) manager would respond to some questions I asked him. Basically, I recalled to him our conversation about my career goals back in September (the one about technical sales or solutions architect). I told him that although he had moved me into my new job, I was still interested in working towards those positions. Again, I asked him if he could provide me guidance and assistance with working towards this goal. I also asked if he knew of any such positions available. His response was something like this:
"David, I think you would function great in something like that. However, you will need to speak with your new manager regarding switching jobs. I will be sure to keep my eyes and ears open for jobs that fit your description, but just to let you know, those types of jobs can be relatively hard to obtain and I don't really even know if there are any like those available for you. But thanks for talking to me and I will be on the lookout for you."
OK ... so this was somewhat promising, but somewhat B.S. I was going to take it for what it was worth, and at least I was proactive about trying to work towards what I wanted.

So, back to the "hot jobs" email. Two out of the Four .... you guessed it ... technical sales and solutions architect!! Like I said, I was floored! Here I was trying to move into this type of position and was being told it was going to be pretty difficult and not to get my hopes up. However, the company was so desperate for these skills they were aggressively pursuing people outside of the company. After seeing this, I was going to make a point to "call" my (bad) manager on this. My opporunity would be my end-of-year review with him in mid-January.

The conversation went something like this:
"So this past year, David, you did very well. Blah Blah Blah. I rated you outstanding. Blah Blah Blah. I know you will be a great contributor in your new position. Do you have anything you would like to say to me before we close this review?"
"Actually, I would. I have to say I was extremely disappointed recently. We discussed my career goals as far back as September and I expressed interest into moving into a different position. I had initiated another meeting in early December with you where I asked for your assistance and guidance in helping me achieve these goals. You told me you would help me out. I hope you understand when I say I was shocked when I received the "hot jobs" email and saw that two of the four were jobs I had discussed with you. And I have heard nothing from you. Not only that, I felt discouraged to pursue these positions since you said they tend ot be very sparse."
"Wow, David. I had no idea. I don't even remember the email. I am sorry that you feel this way. But just hang in there and don't give up hope."

You have got to be kidding me!
Four months of proactive communication with you, telling you what I want, hearing you tell me you will help me, and gving me a crap response of "don't give up hope"?
You mean to tell me that is what my career is now resting on ... hope?
I DON'T THINK SO!!!

And that was it ... that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I was going to do whatever it took to pass the last two exams. I was determined.
Screw "hope" ... I was in control!

Next post ... the last two exams and the two weeks notice.

P.S. - So it doesn't look like I will finish my story before I begin my new job tomorrow. Just hang in there though. It will be finished very shortly.

One down ....

2006-03-05T18:16:00.000-08:00

On the eve of starting my new job, I need to finish up my story of how I got here. I don't know if I will finish tonight, but I am going to give it a shot.

I left my last post having accepted the position with the trading company. However, actually being a day trader was still far from being set in stone. In order to work for the company, I now had to take and pass three NASD exams. For those of you who are unfamiliar, NASD is the National Assocation of Securities Dealers. Two of the exams, the Series 7 and the Series 63, are the same exams that stock brokers have to take in order to be licensed. The third test, the Series 55, is an exam specially geared toward day traders. By passing all of these exams, the NASD feels you are better qualified to trade and allows you to trade on 10:1 margin. (Don't quote me on that last statement.)

The trading company is very strict in terms of performance on the exams. While the NASD will allow you to take the exam as many times as needed in order to pass, the trading company will only allow you to fail each of the exams once. If you did not pass any of the exams a second time, the company would not hire you. Of course, this left me in a very delicate situation with my old employer. Having switched departments and jobs with the technology company, I was now being asked to learn something completely new on an accelerated schedule. At the same time, I was having to master the NASD material for the exams. Needless to say, there were times in the months of December and January where my brain was full. Also, I couldn't broadcast my new opportunity to everyone since if I happened to fail any of the exams twice, I would be disqualified from working there and would still need my original job.

The amount of time necessary to take and pass all the NASD exams is anywhere between 8 to 12 weeks. I won't lie and say the tests were a piece of cake. I studied my butt off for them especially since I didn't have any formal finance training in college. A lot of the material was new to me on all of the exams, but it was very learnable. So any of you thinking about doing this, it is possible, but be prepared to put some time into studying (especially for the Series 55).

On November 29th, I received my study material for the Series 7 and away I went. I spent a lot of time studying for this exam. It was by far the longest at 6+ hours and 250+ questions. I spent all my spare time (and then some) studying over Christmas vacation. In fact, I couldn't really enjoy Christmas time this past year as much as I normally do. I really have to thank my wife for being so understanding during this time. I know I was probably a little overboard on the studying, but I wanted to be prepared and make sure I was giving 100% effort. I was so focused on being ready for this test, and nothing was going to stop me. I used the Dearborn study materials and took numerous practice tests. Finally on January 4th, I took the exam.

The exam is administered in two 3+-hour sections. Each section has 125+ questions. The first half was killer. I remember calling my wife after the first section being totally depressed. The study material just didn't prepare me adequately enough. I thought I was going down in flames. She told me to "get a grip" and "calm down" and "fight through it" ... all the things I needed to hear. I went in to the 2nd section with a better attitude and felt much better about it upon completion. Now came the tough part ... waiting for the immediate test results.

Let me tell you ... nothing is a bigger rush than pressing the button on the test that says "Press here to see your exam results." I had just poured the last 5 weeks of my life into studying for this exam .. I had to pass. I was ready for defeat based on the first section alone, but was hoping for the best. The score popped up ... 88%. Since 70% is passing and anything higher doesn't really matter, some people would say I overstudied. I felt slightly lucky, but at least I had one test down .. the longest one.

Next post ... the trickiest exam - the Series 55 .. and the last straw with the (bad) manager

Decision Made, but ...

2006-03-04T14:52:00.000-08:00

For those of you still intereted in my transition story, please let me continue.

I showed up at the trading company on that Wednesday with a positive attitude, but I also was ready to be honest with myself. I wanted answers to the questions about whether I could work in that environment all day long and if I honestly had a chance to be successful.

I was introduded to a guy name David and right off the bat, I had a great feeling. David is a "master trader" at the trading company. He has been with the company for 2 1/2 years and has experienced considerable success. He is now a teacher who accepts new people coming in and teaches them what he has learned. I was expecting someone successful like this to be high-strung and on edge and not really wanting to spend the time to talk to someone like me. What I got was the complete opposite. David is the epitome of "cool" and you would never know the guy had a stressful job at all. After talking, we discovered that we had many similarities, including age. I asked him all types of questions regarding stress, the ability to learn their trading systems, psychological mentality, the ability to succeed, and his enjoyment of the work. One thing he said stood out above all others. He said, "I truly believe with the right attitude and effort, anybody can be successful doing this. Give yourself time and you can do it!" He was extremely positive and extremely calm. I want to be like that! My visit with him truly sold me on going for it. David took a risk on being a trader as well when he had graduated from Business School (with tens of thousands of dollars in student loans), and he said it was the best risk he had ever taken. That was it ... I had to do it!

I spent Thanksgiving weekend confirming my feelings and sharing them with my wife and family. I sat down and crunched numbers for finances and seeing if I had enough savings to make it through the 6 to 9 month learning curve period. I weighed the options between going for it or staying with my current job for a little while longer. I spent A LOT of time figuring out whether this was going to be the right thing to do. And when Sunday evening came, I had made up my mind ... I was going for it.

First thing Monday morning I called the trading company and talked to the HR manager. I told her I wanted to be proactive about the situation and said I was 100% ready to accept a position if offered to me. She was a little blown away by that comment since I had shown hesitancy the last time she spoke with me. She told me that she needed to speak with David and the Finance Director again, but she would try to get back to me by the end of the day. I felt good about telling her where I stood, but now a waiting game ensued. Minutes and hours went by and no call. Finally, late on Monday, November 28th, I received the call and was offered a position. I accepted. I was emailed a copy of the employment agreement which I printed out, signed, and returned to the company the next day.

However, my work was just now beginning. More on this in the next post ....

And that was all she wrote ....

2006-03-04T05:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a busy day, but that was it ... my last day on the job.

No more badge.
No more keys.
No more corporate credit cards.
No more laptop.
No more regular paycheck.

I will miss the people who I have built relationships with (and the regular paycheck), but I don't think I will miss the work. I enjoyed the work I did at times, but just couldn't see myself continuing in my current assignment for as long as management anticipated.

I transferred all my work assets to the lab manager. I zeroed out the hard drive on my laptop. I took one last stroll around the office floor. I crept through the lab area I called "home" at times. I said my "Goodbyes" to people. I had my exit interview, and afterwards, was escorted out of the building by management. And that was it!

Last evening, after work, my wife and I hosted a little going away party for myself at a local pub. I appreciate everyone who attended and had a great time. I really hope everyone stays in touch, but I know what happens ... out of sight, out of mind. Regardless, I am very grateful for the opportunities that were given to me the past 5 years and will definitely remember this time in my life.

However, a former colleague gave me some advice this past week during lunch and it struck home with me: "Don't look back". So, this is it. Oh wait ... I have to finish the rest of my story. OK .. I am going to be aggressive about doing that this weekend and then, I won't look back. (A promise to myself.)

The Call Back

2006-03-01T12:16:00.000-08:00

I left off my story having just told the trading company that I was basically second guessing myself and needed to shadow someone to see if this was really for me.

A couple of days went by before I received a call.
"Hello David, this is ???? with ????. I just wanted to see if November 23rd would work for you to come in and talk with one of our traders."
"Sure. Thank you so much for calling back. Let me check my calendar .... yep the morning of the 23rd would work great for me."
"Sounds great. We will see you then."

I was so relieved they had called me back. Especially since there were rumors flying at work about the department I was currently in being dissolved and everyone being scattered to other departments around the company. Actually, between the time I received the call above and November 23rd, an announcement was made that confirmed the rumors and my worst nightmare came true. Me and one other person from my department were being transferred away from the rest of our team onto a project that couldn't have been less interesting. It fact, it down right sucked. And, basically, I had one person to thank for the move: you guessed it, the (bad) manager.

He had the nerve to tell me that since I was one of the most skilled and adaptable people in the former departement that he felt I would do well in this new position. Hello??? One, thanks for talking to me about this in advance. Two, thanks for listening to me all the way back in September when I told you what I was interested in doing. Three, don't patronize me with the complements when I know they aren't entirely true and you don't really mean them. Four, kiss my ass!

Needless to say, I was going into this "shadowing" experience at the trading company with a whole different attitude. I was going to be honest with myself, but I was also anxious to make this a positive experience as well. I just wanted a good excuse to leave my old job, and thankful for me, I found it!

... next up ... a day at the trading company

salvage update

2006-03-01T07:17:00.000-08:00

An update with my Mac situation:
The last scavenge attempt did not work. It finished up at around 6pm, I hooked up the new external drive, and started salvaging what I could. I transfered about a dozen files when a warning popped up that the temporary partition I was using with the data recovery software had run out of space. It wasn't long after that, the spinning beach ball appeared and the "application was not responding."

So, I was faced with reality. I could either try and erase more items from the temporary partition and go perform another 4 hour pass, or I could just cut my losses and just reinstall the OS. After about 10 minutes of deliberation, I said "What the $#@%" and decided to do a complete reinstall.
Great decision!
After everything was installed I looked at what I had salvaged and what I had left over from the August backup, and I have most everything I need. The only thing I really lost were MP3s, and in the big scheme of things, those are nothing. So I spent most of last night restoring my new OS install to its former state. In a lot of ways, this is better. I don't have as many applications installed and have a lot more space on my hard drive now. Also, I think I am going to try to return the external drive I purchased yesterday as I really have no need for it.

All in all, a relatively happy ending. I am sure as the weeks and months progress I will stumble across things that aren't present that I will need, but I can get them back. I think the more a person is in these types of situations, the more adaptable they become. And, at the end of the day, all of this stuff ... well ... it just doesn't matter as much as the personal relationships a person builds and maintains on a daily basis.

I'll be back this afternoon with so more of my story.

(sidebar rant ... midlife crisis?)

2006-02-28T12:17:00.000-08:00

I think I am getting some good training for my new job in how to deal with losses. Last night, as I was trying to optimize the hard drive on my Mac, an error occured which destroyed all of the drive's volume information. I spent most of last night with intermittent sleep trying to find a solution for this problem. I was able to determine that all of the files are still there, but the volume itself is no longer bootable and cannot be fixed. So, here are the steps I have taken so far to try to salvage the information.

1) I had to go out and purchase a $180 external drive this morning in order to copy all the information from the old volume/drive. Sure the 250GB drive is overkill, but I might as well make sure everything can fit.
2) I am in the process of running the data recovery software for the 4th time. This wouldn't be bad, but it takes nearly 4 hours to scavenge the drive each time. The first time I accidently closed the file window once it finished - that was stupid, but I found out once you close it, the file information isn't persistent. The second time I did it, I made sure I had my old external drive hooked up. I was actually able to salvage some files. However, after transferring half of my MP3s to the drive, the data transfer became very slow. I didn't know whether to attribute that to the external drive nearly being full, or a memory issue since I was booting from disk. That is why I figured I would buy the new drive and see if I could eliminate one of the problems. So, before I bought the drive, I started a 3rd pass. It finished up right before 1pm, and I had the new external drive hooked up ready to go. Only problem was that the drive was formatted as FAT32, so it wasn't showing up with the data recovery software. The 4th pass I think should be a good one. I created a separate partition on the original drive and installed Mac OS X Tiger on it along with the data recovery software. Now, I have eliminated the memory issue (which I read about on a message board or two) and the drive problem. Come 5:30pm or so, I should find out exactly whether I will be successful or not in the salvage. At the very least, if I can't get everything, I will get the most important stuff and be happy with that.

You are probably wondering if I was smart enough to have a backup. My last backup was from August 2005. I could probably live with that, but I am going to try and get as much as I can from the salvage since I am having to work from home anyway these last couple of days (more on that in another post).

I have definitely gone through the six stages of grieving within the last 24 hours. I don't know whether I have truly come to terms with what the outcome may be, but I will get there - one way or another.

This personal data loss has really effected my outlook on my last few days on the job as well. It is such a nice day outside, so I decided to make a sandwhich, sit on the porch with my dog, and have lunch. I spent time reflecting on the last five years of my life and the job I am 3 days away from leaving. I have such a terribly empty feeling inside - it is awful. After college, I had a degree to show for all the hard work, and I felt really good about the volleyball coaching skills I had acquired. After my years of teaching, I left and even though I didn't care for the whole school bureaucracy, I still felt good that I had helped kids in their lives. The pay wasn't good, but at least I was doing something good for society. I am getting ready to leave the technology company and I have nothing but material possessions to show for it, and truthfully, that doesn't make me happy at all.

Furthermore, I have been sitting in front of my work laptop all day and I have received 2 instant messages from co-workers: one asking me if I wanted to go to lunch, the other asking me for some help on a patent the two of us submitted nearly 2 years ago. I have received a total of 5 work emails, but they were all mass distributions - nothing directed specifically toward me. Reality is finally setting in. People have written me off. I'm a short-timer. All the stress of deadlines and management was never really worth it. The wheels grind on without me. Not only that ... they grind on smoothly. I was but a cog in the big machine and in all truthfullness, the success or ilure of the work I did, means absolutely nothing to the rest of mankind. Unfortunately, the job I am switching too is even more meaningless to society, so what will I think about that? Is this a mid-life crisis? Am I too young for one of those? Well maybe not .. my dad passed away when he was 62 and I am in my early 30s ... yeah ... maybe this is a midlife crisis.

Regardless, I have made my decision and I am happy with it. I will get my Mac fixed one way or another and I am going to enjoy the rest of the week and my new job ... come hell or high water.

First Impressions

2006-02-27T08:18:00.000-08:00

I had a busy weekend, so I didn't have a chance to update my story. I am currently sitting in a meeting for a new project my manager put me on. The project is code scanning for an Open Source project my department will be participating in. I have no experience with this at all. So, iI am in my last week of work and am being put on a brand new project .... nice thinking! And if you think this line of thinking is ridiculous, just wait till you hear the rest of my story.

So, I left off last time having submitted my resume and questionnaire to the trading company. The next morning I went into the remote work location and frequently checked my personal email account for a response. Shortly before noon, I received an email from the company, saying they were interested in meeting with me for an interview! Wow! I mean I felt pretty good with my resume and my responses to their questions, but I had no idea they would respond to me that quickly. I ended up calling the company after lunch and set up an interview that next week after I had returned. I felt so proud of myself for submitting my resume, spending the time on the questions, and putting myself out there. I was beaming ... glowing .. and feeling pretty good about myself the whole trip home!

On Thursday, November 10, I attended the interview, and my first impression of the trading company was less than spectacular. I walked into one large, open office area of darkness with just the glow of hundreds of monitors illuminating the room. I saw traders hunched over in front of 3 or more monitors a piece intently focused on what was their life blood. The sound of a live news feed from the exchange floor was being piped in over speakers. CNBC was being shown on numerous televisions mounted on the walls. I was immediately overwhelmed and intimidated. My first thought was, "Could I really work in this environment every day for a living?" My initial response was "No", but I figured I was there and I might as well carry out with the interview. First, I had a meeting with the HR director and that went very well. There were the normal, personal questions and questions about trading, but mainly, I think they were trying to find out what type of person I was. The first interview went well. The second interview was with the director of finance, and it didn't go as well. He presented his concern that my analytical background of math and computer science was going to be a hindrance in this position rather than a benefit. Apparently, there have been others like me who have tried to be successful with the firm, but have found it very difficult to make a quick decision. They overanalyze the situation and as a result miss numerous opportunities. All I could tell him is that although I find myself doing those same things, I will have to realize that I cannot be successful doing them and force myself to make a change. I believe he was satisfied with the response and the rest of the interview was relatively average - not necessarily good, but not bad either.

The last part of the interview was the most interesting part. It was a test of multi-tasking skills and pattern recognition. I will probably go into further detail with these tests in another post, but let me just say it was about an hour and a half of some intense skill testing. It was all computer based and was extremely unique. The HR director said there was no way to study for it and she was correct - you either had it or you didn't. It was actually one of the most original tests I have ever taken and left me wondering how I scored. Like I said I will probably go into further details about these tests later, but I must continue my story.

So, I left the company after a half day of interviewing and testing with mixed emotions. The environment scared me, but the test I had taken was just awesome. Plus, if the skills I had demonstrated during the test were actually relevant to the work I would be doing everyday, then maybe this would work out for me. However, the job wasn't the "holy grail" I had thought it would be. Would I be better off just day trading with my own money and going through the learning curve on my own? Truly, what benefits would I have going with a company like this? Unfortunately, I started second guessing myself and that frustrated me even more. Regardless, it was not up to me to make the decision anymore and based on my second interview, I didn't want to get my hopes up too high.

The next week came and I didn't hear anything for a couple of days. As a result, the negative thoughts started haunting me. I started focusing a lot more on the negatives on the job than the positives, and actually talked myself into not accepting a position if one was offered to me. Late that week, however, I finally got the call I was looking for:
"David, this is ???? from ????. We would just like to say that we were very impressed with your interview and your test results and would like to officially extend an offer for you to join our firm."
"Wow, that is great. I am very appreciative, but before we go any further I have a few more questions."
"OK? Sure .. go ahead."
"Well ... I have been thinking and talking to some people and they question why I shouldn't just do this on my own with the money I had saved up to support myself during your "learning curve". I mean, why should I join the firm and have to split profits if I can do it on my own and keep everything?"
"Well ... David .. we thought you were interested in joining with us and that is not necessarily a question I can answer."
"Yeah ... I mean .. I guess I don't really know what is like to be a trader. Maybe I can make a better decision if I could shadow someone for a half or whole day. Then I could make up my mind."
"OK? Well .. I think I can arrange that. Let me get back with you when I can find someone you can shadow. In the meantime, I am going to hold off on the sending the offer to you until your mind is more made up."
"OK ... that sounds good I will look forward to hearing from you soon."

So ... that didn't go as I had planned at all. My comments were stupid and scared them, and now I risked them calling me back and saying:
"Hello David ... our first impression of your quick decision making ability was confirmed and we are not interested in having you join after all. Thank you for your time and best of luck in the future."

What had I done? Stupid, stupid!

So now ... another waiting game. Would they call back? What would they say?

.... you know the routine ... answers in the next blog entry.

2006-02-24T06:07:00.000-08:00

OK ... so a little interruption from my story. I just found the Mac OS X Dashboard Widget for Blogger and am trying it out right now. If this actually works, it will be great!

A Wild Hair?

2006-02-23T12:58:00.000-08:00

Picking up from where I left off ...

The temporary assignment required me to travel to another city - the city where my (bad) manager was actually located. I was to spend 1 week in that city, work (remotely) for 3 weeks at home, and then finish up the last week again at the other city.

The first week I was there, I had the pleasure of eating lunch with my (bad) manager. On the trip to the restaurant, he asks me the following question: "How is this temporary assignment helping you work toward your career goals?" Wow, was he actually caring about my well-being and my career? I was floored! I figured that since he asked, I would tell him. I told him the publication was requiring me to work with solutions architects and people in technical sales, and I was really interested in pursuing these areas within the company. He seemed to acknowledge that statement by saying something like: "Yes, I think that is something that you are capable of doing, and you would be good at it." I honestly thought he had turned the corner in terms of care and compassion. At the very least, I had opened the door. He knew I was interested something else.

For the next couple of weeks, I worked on the publication and I enjoyed myself. It was something new and technically invigorating and much better than the previous project I had been working on for the past 2 years. Eventually, I had to make my return trip, though, and this was where "it" happened.

A little background ....
I had become very passionate about the stock market over the past several months. Similar to the OCD behavior I had with cable TV back in 2002/2003, I started reading a lot of books on the subject of technical analysis, and I loved it. This level of passion was what had been missing in my life for the longest time. I had always heard of day traders, but never thought I had the capital to really be serious about it. Instead, I played around with options and swing-trading, and experienced some success (and failures as well). All in all, the mathematician in me was intrigued that there were theories out there that believed you could mathematically represent or predict the emotions of fear and greed in the stock market. That was awesome! I had to learn more, but the only way I could do that is to consume myself with it on a daily basis. Unfortunately, I had a job that just would not afford me the luxury to do so.

One night during the second trip, I was in my hotel room watching TV and surfing the web on my laptop. I had been viewing quite a few trading web pages when I got a "wild hair" to go to CareerBuilder.com and do a search for "Trader". Honestly, I didn't know what to expect, but I was surprised to see quite a few results. I narrowed down the search to just Texas, and couldn't believe the result. There was a posting for a Proprietary Trader and the location was my home town. Who knew that something like this was going on right under my nose? I visited the firm's website, and realized I owed it to myself to learn more about this place and the job. I fired off an email, and the next day I received a questionnaire to fill out. So, every evening during that trip, after work, I went to my hotel room and poured my heart and soul into the questionnaire. I must have spent 8+ hours drafting, editing, and perfecting my answers. By the last evening, I was finished and I sent the questionnaire back.

Now ... it was a waiting game. Was I getting my hopes up? Was this just a totally "wild hair"? Was I actually serious about pursuing this as a career? Would they even be interested in me? Was I crazy? These were all questions that were going to find answers very soon.

Wash, rinse, repeat ...

2006-02-22T12:41:00.000-08:00

The one thing that can get a little old when leaving is telling your "story" to everyone over and over again. Now, I am definitely one who loves to tell a story, so that isn't the problem. The problem is the perfectionist in me. Each time I tell the story just isn't quite as good as the time before. However, maybe I can actually perfect it through this blog, so here it goes:

I suppose my decision to leave stems all the way back to the summer of 2003. Things just weren't the same for me when the company cancelled the set-top box project I was working on. I loved that project. Not only did the computer technology interest me, but I really enjoyed the whole cable industry. I took it upon myself to become the cable TV expert in the group (and I don't mean knowing the programming schedules of all the old 80's sitcom reruns). I bought 2 books and read them cover to cover: OpenCable Architecture and Modern Cable Television Technology. Together, roughly 1,200 pages of informational bliss. I loved it and constantly searched for news and developments in the industry. Needless to say, such OCD behavior was recognized by the company and rewarded as I received my first (and only) promotion. However, it was all downhill from there.

From there I had a short-lived residence on a project involving disconnected portlets. That lasted 2 months. Then I got placed on the project I had been on for the past 2 years. I won't go into specifics about that project, but let's just say that it was the "nail in the coffin" for my career. For 2 years, I drove to my 5:45am morning workouts thinking, "what else could I possibly do with my life?" It was a solid 10 minutes of career reflection 4 times a week, but I came up with nothing.

Last September, it became apparent the 2-year long project was dying a slow death. Some involved were clinging on to hope. Others cut the cord and bailed out as they saw what was coming. I decided to do something in between and requested a temporary (5 week) job opportunity helping write a technical publication. The topic of the publication was a technology into which I was interested in transitioning once my current project was finally canned. I figured I would position myself as a natural candidate to move into a position with my experience from the publication. After all, this is how "the game" is played, right?

BIG Problem: The power of a (bad) manager. Naturally, a good manager who knows where the road is headed would give their employees opportunities to better themselves and get themselves out of the upcoming debacle. Well, not my manager. He sat on my request for participation for at least 2 weeks and wanted to deny me the opportunity because he said he was worried "my skills might be needed" during that time. Yeah, right! So, I did what any determined Generation X employee would do - I went to his manager and got her approval instead! Come to find out later, that was a move that caused him to actually respect me more than what he had. It is sad when a leader only respects his followers based on what political clout they carry or what political moves they are willing to make.

Coming next time ...
The publication experience which led to "The Revelation"

"The First Day of the Rest of Your Life"

2006-02-21T12:41:00.000-08:00

For me, that was Friday, February 17, 2006 - the day I decided to officially give my 2-weeks notice at my current employer, and embark on a new journey in my life that is going to be one helluva ride. The notice had actually been several months in the making which I hope to recount here in the next few weeks.

I begin my new job on March 6th. I will be a proprietary day trader in the Stock Market. At this point, the statistics say only 3 out of every 10 people make it. Will I beat the odds or become another statistic? Only time will tell, and I attempt to chronicle every step of the way through this blog.

So, stay tuned, check back often, and enjoy this life of mine I call "The Duck's Pond."